this is generally the same reason I hate doing things collaboratively with others at times because what if they blow up at me or my work isn't good enough/they do something that I have to work around instead of with/etc etc etc I'm such a shitty control freak aaaagh
"why are you running an rp if you hate teamwork?" bc I like it when people play in my sandbox that I built but not when people try to build my sandbox. if that makes sense .
I like leading a story but unless I set into a project Knowing it will be done With someone I start getting defensive over it. I think that's a trauma response tbh
like... Good for my brain: starting a project with friends with the intent of doing it together, letting friends play around in a world I'm building Bad: Onboarding someone as a co-creator of a pre-established world because my balances are so delicate