"I should get some mods" I say to myself as if the last time I tried to run a server with mods didn't end in fucking disaster

this is generally the same reason I hate doing things collaboratively with others at times because what if they blow up at me or my work isn't good enough/they do something that I have to work around instead of with/etc etc etc I'm such a shitty control freak aaaagh

"why are you running an rp if you hate teamwork?" bc I like it when people play in my sandbox that I built but not when people try to build my sandbox. if that makes sense .

I like leading a story but unless I set into a project Knowing it will be done With someone I start getting defensive over it. I think that's a trauma response tbh

like...
Good for my brain: starting a project with friends with the intent of doing it together, letting friends play around in a world I'm building
Bad: Onboarding someone as a co-creator of a pre-established world because my balances are so delicate

BASICALLY I'M SO SO SCARED BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS HIGH EXPECTATIONS BUT WHAT IF I FAIL TO MEET THEM