Mom texted me bring and early about going out to Resurrection cemetery where my dead baby was buried. And I hate it there. It's where the local hospital puts babies/fetuses that parents can't afford to bury themselves.

It's notoriously unkempt. The infant area has lumps of dirt everywhere and some of the graves are coming up.

They have pest issues, and it just feels awful there.

Even if I didn't believe in spirits, I'd say the place was haunted as fuck.

I don't wanna go but it's important to her.

20+ years later I still have not come to terms with the loss.

I don't want to see the broken headstones and gopher holes

I don't want to spend my day freaking out over it but I said yes because she was willing to cover my rent when the mix up happened.

I feel like I owe her this.

I wish I'd said no, or lied about where they were buried/said I forgot/whatever

oof oh no I'm so sorry

oh al losing a baby is always hard, even all this time later considering everything else you've been through <3 if you do go, you don't have to go into that area. you can say you need a rest walking, or just be honest <3

carry love in your heart for those buried there, and take care of yourself

It also is another reminder that everyone used to see me as a woman, and dysphoria comes up too.

yeah i can't imagine how rough it is

It'd help if it wasn't just awful there. There's no money going into groundskeeping, it looks literally like a cemetery from a bad scary movie.

She's not trying to hurt me, but it hurts anyway

her intentions may be good but yeah, it's painful and you're allowed to be hurt about all of it <3

She's talking about heaven and shit like that and I'm turning my phone off.

As cat says, you can stay in the sitting area and no go out here. I’m sorry you’re going through a lot with this, and I can’t imagine. /offers hugs/ -- for your own health please tell your mom how you feel so you don’t have to go out there.

Ngl I’d turn off the phone

Yeah, phone is off now.

I can't handle it

echoing everything else that's been said and I'm so sorry this is happening to you right now

She's hurting today, I think. She brought up my dead sister, so I think she's just having a hard day.

She's gotten a lot better, but man, I was not prepared for this today.

Oh no I’m so sorry

It's been a rough day.

And now one of my kids mentioned suicide and I'm on hold with his therapist

I can't even take care of my living kids

Oh no ;;

I'm so tired

Al.

Therapist will call me back I guess

you are taking care of your living kids Al.

you are.

This is just too much for me

I'm trying though

and no, I don't think it's a loss you every get over, at least my parents haven't and my sister and brother would be 49 and 47.

but you are trying and you are going to right period for help and you recognize that they need a professional and that's taking care of the kid

I'm so sorry for your loss.

🫂

komikbookgeek is right. you're taking great care of your kids, listening to them and getting them the help they need is way more than a lot of other parents do. <3 you're not failing anyone

Thank you. He's calmed down now, thankfully

<33

you're absolutely taking care of your kids to the best of your ability. sometimes you need extra resources. it takes a village.

it's supposed to too!

dynasty_decapitated: thank you, I've lived in their shadows my entire life. but due to, I can also deeply emphasize with how you feel

Yeah, my sister's shadow has been impossible to escape

yeah

all the extreme hugs. You are a good strong man. Survive plz

Thank you. I'm doing my best to.

So today he's fine, said he lied to make me upset. It worked! He's still going to be having extra therapy.

Okay good.

Yeah, I take all death threats as serious

As all should. Joke or not, you open the can buddy.

Yup. He might not have meant it, but I still have to follow through.

yes, a good idea <3 good work

Thank you. I'm not a great dad but I try my best

yep that's the thing bud. you opened that up