Because l-looool guys gals and nonbinary pals i got one about today

soo if you guys don't know, I've been dealing with a lingering cold since... about august 10th

started with stuffy nose, post nasal drip and lots of snot, then moved onto just post nasal drip but ew phlem and snot, please stop you're choking me, and feeling like my voice has gone down two octaves and pressure in my upper pallete to the back of my throat

and the, my eyes... started getting really dry. and itchy. I thought in the shower even I made a mistake and bent an eyelash into it, but they were both incredibly red.

and when i'd wake up in the morning, they were goopy

I'd already taken a covid test on two days when this first started, and last night I took another, but it came back clean all 3 times

but after the second gooopy night and calling 811 for to talk to a nurse who told me to go to the doctor, I had to call in sick for the 3rd time this month, and called to see if my doctor could see me today

I got a call back around 12 pm that while my doctor was busy, another doctor had a cancellation and could

so into a taxi and accross town we goooo

he had these in his room btw, very cool

he was pleased i recognized the cartoon they were from

so he looks at me, and is like 'since it's affected more than one system, this is probably viral and not bacterial. here's some eyedrops, here's a doctors note, you take a few days off'

which good. i go get the prescription filled, buy some shit to make me feel better, and then...

Well here, gentle viewers, is where you probably disagree with my choices, but I will explain.

where my doctor moved, is actually very close to the hospital I work in as a library tech. Just up the street to the left.

--So I go fuck it. I need too clear shit up before my Vacation starts next week.

Now, of course, yoou'll say noooo Joelle, sacrificing your life on the alter of capitalism is not worth it!

where's the button on my remote that I can press to disagree I would be hammering it right now

Don't go into a hospital if you're sick like that!

You should rest!!

and the thing is, I agree! you're right!

except...

you see, the Library is dealing with two things right now

1. my boss who'd been the librarian there for 30 years had just retired. And though my new boss is lovely and I already trust her, she's new and doesn't know the ins and outs of everything I do a tech

2. we are legit in the middle of packing to move the library to a different room

and unfortunately, gentle viewers, my desk is an ADHD mess.

it makes sense to me, -I- remember where everything is, but to everyone else, it's all cluttter. and if I didn't pack it before the 3rd, it would fall to my boss to pack it

if it was just a new boss, or just the move, it'd be one thing, but both?

Yeah no, I had to at least get shit cleaned up and organized, throw out the papers that needed to be, put papers I'd need when I got back to be ready to be processed, and away the stuff that I didn't need all the time

BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE, GENTLE VIEWER. OH NOO. THERE'S MORE!

because, while I was going through papers, emailing others, following up on shit

this... guy wanders into the library.

now this isnt unusual. We have to keep the library door open because, after hours, environmental service workers are unfortunately locked out because apparently some people were using the library as a hiding/hangout/make out spot. So the only way to let them in while we're there (unless you want me to get up to answer the door all the time)

is to keep it open

this can lead to visitors and patients wandering in, which is usually handled by me pleasantly explaining 'ooh, this is an employee medical library. All the books are either management or technical" or a "sorry, the computers are employees only"

but this guy was... kinda. distracted.

"Can I get this book copied?"

Me: Ah? Let me see-- Are you an employee?
Man: No. //handing me the book to see.
Me: Ah well, we can't copy it-- well, how many pages would you want?
Man: 4 Oh 4.
Me: Ah...? You mean, a few--
Man: No, 404 of them. I want the whole thing copied.

This is about the time, gentle viewers, I noticed the sticker on the book said 'property of the psychward'

And that the gentleman had the paper bracelet indicating he was a patient.

And that he was mentioning the person I knew worked in the psychward as the person who gave him the book.

Of all. the fucking days. for someone clearly in a bit of dazed state to come in

WHY IS IT THE DAY MY EYES ARE SO ITCHY I WANNA SCRATCH THEM OUT OF MY HEAD.

The guy tries to wander into the library and I have to like, raise my voice like a parent scolding a child, but he's really distracted, keeps on focusing on things around me asking like a curious kid instead of the 30 something he clearly is

and like

he wants books on Bipolar and schizophrenia

the book he has is about dealing with bipolar disorder in your family (also, is like, 27 bucks on amazon. I checked for him)

so i'm like-- explaining his best bet is to get books from the public library on tthe subject, while... calling switch board while talking to him and whispering to transfer me to security

while he tells me cheerfully he was out on a hour pass, and judging by the cigarrette behind his ear, was probably supposed to go on a smoke break.

Apparently he's known to securitty, because while talking on the phone (and talking to this patient) the security guard (once i'm like, library, plz come) notes he knows who it is and recognizes his voice

OH ALSO the guy also asks for bible passages prints

and like we don't... have the bible in here...

fortunately the security guard comes and directs him back to the psych ward

and the guy... hands me the book to 'return' it

...the book that belongs in the psych ward.

so then I have to call... switchboard to switch me to the psych ward

and tell them plz someone come pick up your book

Fortunately Mr security guard came back to check on me, so I asked if he'd bring the book (and the info on the library I printed for him) back down

MY BOSS. DURING ALL THIS.

WAS IN A MEETING OVER TEAMS AND HAD HER DOOR CLOSED SO SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALISE. IT WAS HAPPENING

not her fault but just. the absurdity of it all

and i'm not shitting on the guy, just to make it clear-- those illnesses are stigmatized, it's not his fault he's like this, he was perfectly civil and nice

BUt it was also clear he wasn't getting he message I was working, and I had shit I needed to get done, done

and also I'm sick, plz stay away

BUT. I managed. to do it all. Got everything organized, followed up with everyone, got a box of high priority things, low priority, shredded the papers we could, the box i chucked everything into is a mess but it's there

And like, I realised something really important during all this

All my life-- by my family. I was told I was lazy. that I didn't try.

I left things off to the last minute (untreated adhd)

I wouldn't do or would slack on chores (same as above, but add in spatial issues)

those lead to my parents coming down prettty hard on me to try and motivate me. It mostly just gave me crippling self doubt and anxiety

I always defered to their judgement, even if i felt it wasn't right, because what else could it be?

even when I managed to get tasks done, it never felt like enough

just exhausting.

I always wondered if I really was lazy

...but today. Today, I had every reason not to do the work. A doctors note, mom 's not home, my vacation literally starts tomorrow evening

but it wasn't even a thought in my head to leave all that undone and to my boss

it was just "Ah, well, Let's go in and get all that done so I idon't have to worry about it when I get back"

when the chips are down, I did the work I thought I needed to to help my boss, my co-workers, and my future self, because I thought it was the right thing to do.

I did the right thing that'd help me, even while sick.

it was never, ever me being lazy

I had a disability no one knew, or acknowledged, or helped me with

And now I know, when I need to, I will follow through with what I believe is right, even if it would be 'easier' not to.

And that my mom's thoughts on my laziness are her anxieties, not the truth of who I am.

also yo, vyvanse is amazing, absolutely life saver, worth 15 bucks a month to be able to act on my thoughts. and feel satisfied like this.

AND THAT'S IT FOR TODAY GENTLE VIEWERS thank you for listening

now i'm gonna go watch youtube videos and workin fanfic

what the fuck holy shit

minimoffs: YEAH... TURNS OUT I CAN BE DRIVEN WHEN I NEED TO BE...

also again, two years of working at the hospital and that's the first time of dealing with someone clearly... somewhere else, mentally, that wasn't like, really old/just had a stroke.

pocketnoivern: LOOK I GET IT but i didn't want my visa invoices mixed in with papers that needed to be shredded!!

BitterBearFace: I am resting now i swear. right in bed.

GOOD