(petty debates with brother # infinity)

Has to be deliberate

Although, hmmm you can say that a deadline snuck up on you I suppose

i think sneaking can happen regardless of intention

Hm, I'd say someone sneaking needs to be deliberate

If you get startled regardless it was probably you being focused on something else and getting surprised

Needs to be due to them moving stealthily, regardless of intention. One can habitually sneak around without thinking about it, if the impulse is to be sneaky.

you can say "[such and such inanimate thing] snuck up on me" so intent is irrelevant. it's a declaration of perception by the speaker, not the intentions of the sneaker.

yeah, but in that case it's still understood that the object is not actually doing anything, it's just a figure of speech

right, but the point is that when people use the phrase, they're generally describing their perception rather than ascribing intention, whether the sneaker in question a living thing or not. like if was like "aaaa you snuck up on me!" and the other person said "actually, no I didn't, because I wasn't trying to sneak", I'd probably just strangle them.

sneaking is in the eye of the beholder, basically.

Yeah i feel like the main idea here is accusatory and i really don't agree with the implication of intention it usually conveys

Like sneaky in general has a negative association. If someone gets startled by accident it shouldn't be phrased as a "you did this thing to me that is usually referring to something devious"

So i guess to me it's less of a pedantic verbal thing and more of a reading the situation objectively and fairly thing