or, like, a fool

brain is convinced everyone hates me. I need to breathe and let that pass

sending you a big hug too

I'm sorry my lurk is annoyingtoday

hoping tomorrow is better for you all over <3

I'm just at my emotional worse for no apparent reason beside 'i've been too sick this year, i shouldn't get sick so often'

mixed with 10 hours shifts in a psych house

tomorrow i'm doing 14-midnight so i may be able to at least rest a bit?

I'm geuinely having a rejection sensitive dysphoria episode without anyone rejecting me. which is insane.

I'm painfully hyper aware of anyting that may potentially go wrong in any of my friendships and my brain refuses to leave that status so I'm just... ranting here into the void. and trying to calm down. Like, the feeling is already like everyone already locked me away?

WHICH, ignoring the health issues, makes me wonder if its tied to... well, some stuff my coworkers said in the past days? Like, I've been told multiple times i'm weird. and today they jokingly started calling me dobby

the harry potter one

and I guess I don't have enough context to know if they're joking lovingly or if they're mocking me?

I do a lot of the heavy work there because i'm physically strong and I do the jobs they don't like and then focus on cooking but it's something i don't mind

I feel like I'm going to ruin everything (or already did) with EVERYONe I know

>:

not true

rationally I know that. emotionally right now it feels like that

I just need to breathe, make it pass and see how things work out in the end, truly

even here i keep disappointing everyone because since i work so much i can't keep up with tags so, of course, my brain tells me I am the worst person in the entire DW space

I'm aware that's not a realistic thought

I'm just speaking about an emotional outburst I'm living through right now that's proably related to irl and my body needing an actual break

that's somewhat encompassing everything

I'm sorry, I needed to just.. talk and rant

this is your space, you don't need to apologize for getting the feelings out!

people are okay with backtagging

I just feel like I'm bothering everyone, Untsundered. Becasue I also talked to some people too and I feel like I overstepped. Yesterday I was spiraling hard when it was 3am and I was in pain and i was an ass

we all work

I know we all work, friend, I am just.... always so tired.

I regret taking a loan that has me working this year so hard without having any money for myself.

I'll be fine once this is over, though. I just talk and talk and at some point it's fine

if it doesn't pass soon i may just call my doc and ask if i can up my meds or somethng until next year

I'm just currently irrationally scared of losing everything and everyone. Even people I know love me. I've never been this bad. I feel like the running on fumes thing is... making me a bad person, truly

exhaustion and stress can definitely make things harder, on a like. emotional coping level?

yeah but I shouldn't vent on others. and last night i had some strong moments. with more than one person.

I want to be a better person, that's for sure, but right now my brain is stuck on 'how?' and 'you already ruined everything' when i had literally no real fight that I'm aware of?

honestly? that might be a question better handled by a mental health professional? like I know that is also a thing that costs money but those of us here can probably only help so much

yeah I have one but she's... seeing me once every six months since she's a state free one. I can call her for the meeds but those visits cost money

and, again. I have a big loan that i finish paying in december so until then I can't afford a 100 euros weekly to see a professional for sure

I've been okay untuil.... motnhs ago? I think that's when i started getting really, really exhausted all the time. And now I just have those terrible moments where I feel like I should just disappear from everywhere because 'everyone hates me anyway'. They weren't there before.

and I think my current one is triggered by my workplace? again, idk if they

are joking with me in a positive or negative way

I DID fuck up.

I got someone to block me

'm

probably dropping from everything soon enough

I dont think you should take it personally that someone blocked you

not everyone can get along with everyone

that's true but that's a dear friend and I know I messed up on my side

>:

hugs, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. For the record I like you and think you're very sweet. I hope to play with you at some point

I agree, I think you’re a sweetheart and really going through it. I’m sorry things are hard for you.