worst way to wake up wtf

how the hell am I supposed to focus on anything now

this is from Jan 6 if I recall correctly but it's still apt:

just. fuck

maybe anger will keep anxiety in line today. but idk

anyone who voted for him because they didn't want to elect a woman can get shot into the sun quite frankly

but holy fuck, scared for what little democracy has been hanging on and scared for everyone not a white male tbh

apparently we'd rather have a demented rapost than elect a woman

I do not fucking understand how we are here again.

oh man that meme.... yeah

i really do think it's that simple in the end, like some people are so spiteful and hateful that they would choose anything over a woman of color

which is why i don't even feel surprised... like i am but i'm also not

yeah. yeah it's insane how this happened again

so much for faith in humanity when a chunk of the country remains garbage because they're willing to support the worst qualities of humanity

and anyone who abstained is complicit. just. fucking hell. I don't understand how people can be so dumb/blind/selfish to vote for a blatant traitor, rapist, racist, senile narcissist. it's obvious why Putin and others 'support' him but I had hoped there was more decency in ordinary people

I shudder to think what loyalists will get installed this time

fucking hell

idk if I have it in me to return to daily horror news checking like 2016-most of 2020

I hate how apparently effective the fear-mongering ads were. anyone who believed that bullshit can gtfo

sigh. I just hope I can keep the existential dread at bay enough to function for a while. this shit cherry on top of the last few weeks does not help discourage the "why bother" 😑

stole this but it's too apt:

shared the bad news with my mom when she woke up - partly to keep her from putting the news on - and anxiety really wants to party this morning

I really should have tried to get in with a therapist before now because lol, as my sister pointed out this morning they, along with some choice others, will probably be booked up for months now

I feel like when Roe v Wade got overturned and when Jan 6 was unfolding - how the hell am I supposed to focus on or care about work today

so far all I've managed are short spurts of work and then fending off anxiety and dread with a metaphorical cardboard tube

half-jokingly I thought to myself earlier that I need to find the anger that fueled and kept me alive as a teenager and tbh I kinda feel some embers floating around

like I know defiant anger fueled by depression and internal anguish and trauma etc isn't the best. but fuck it, if it gets me writing a river like childhood and drowns out the dread of a useless life then it's better than nothing

I just know shit is going to be hard when this is a house mired in depression right now and has been. valid depression but man, dealing with another parent actively depressed was not really what I wanted in my life and tbh idk if I can hold my own head above water and try to keep her from sinking too for however many months it takes

2024 really did roll up to the party and say fuck having a good year