actually all of them

would someone really just do that

DREADFUL. BANNED

laura's already on it so i'm just gonna take a seat and watch

shouldn't be like that

against the rules??????

having to pick is the price, god

dark laura struck

can't believe i went to sleep and nobody did any work in here

hush, i was saving it for work treats

I can pick some if your wife really must pay the price

well it would help me, otherwise i just have to answer in numerical order like an animal

i mean you still will have to

1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 14, 18, 19, 21, 23

1. CLEARLY NOT BFFR it is not directly on his radar on account of upbringing/jianghu lyfe (bad) and generally reserved nature. He is not aware of the lack for himself but wouldn't hate it at least incidentally, could be waylaid into it (by llh) which would be hilarious and edifying.

Is not aware that other people are serious about cuddling as like a need, currently classifies it as frivolous but harmless like most things. I haven't decided if this is repression or freakishness, but it's probs both lbr.

wonderfulnonsense: im answering your fuckin questions bc of all the woes

wonderfulnonsense: and bc its finally warm enough to use a phone keyboard

:V :V :V

wonderfulnonsense: 🗞️🗞️🗞️

2. Would most naturally occur as big spoon (HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION) but should probably get little spooned and grow some new neurons about it. FOR his helth.

(like michi said, it's a question because it's funny)

wonderfulnonsense: you're right but not in the eyes of any god

llh will cuddle not for cuddles sake but to put his cold feet on that man and that's the edification

4. Can be slept on and should be, would sleep on others but all of these are better for his spiritual edification than his actual sleep. [...]

I think sleeping around people is a big one though. This is probably the best he's ever slept the most consistently etc bau's aside. he is surrounded by fighty bitches that have his back AND he likes them, wild. esp w llh in better health now. winning the sleep lottery.

he probably is never going to sleep deeply in a non sleeping appointed zone/around non lhl crew, but he might doze enough to make faking it for eavesdropping believable including in the bitch house. (Panther naps don't count, he has a note)

wonderfulnonsense: NOT WHAT THAT IS.

(imagining llh catching dfs sleeping and realizing he's out like a light and feeling some kind of way about it)

wonderfulnonsense: GOOD. 🔫

not even poisoned or injured or anything. GET FUCKING REKT LLH THE BITCHES ARE COMFY

HRAUGH

but yeah i think if dfs could just like take a nap while stupid idiot llh writes his dumb little recipes or w/e (and keeps an eye on things) that would be so cash money

yeah.gif

5. Does not need this medicinally but karmically this is an A+. Just fuck him up. Much like the arcane intricacies of sleeping this would be a big weird trust language and gr8 as a safe subversion of a deeply held taboo. I hate it here fr.

I don't think he can GIVE a purely recreational backrub to save his life but from a kinesthesiologic standpoint it would be top notch even if toned down.

if llh realizes backrubs unlock a new dfs behavior it's fucking over

for me yeah

circling the drain as it is

mmmmmm

7. 'favorite' questions aren't real and no one is less likely to consciously have that than dfs anyway. i think the backrub question struck gold but im also answering 14 at the same time and declaring just the entire scalp/back territory to be of paramount importance bc this is my city and im storing my sensory issues in all of it. Plus im right.

Best to have some horsepower behind it though, none of this winsome hair fiddling from tv, that's not real.

so what you're saying is behind the ear scritches are go

SCROMBLE THIS MFER

somebody did have to fix up his hair while his arm was out of commission

And That's Fine

and im so respectfully not asking you kissing headcanons

i thought i had to answer all of them anyway

YOU DO

THEN YOU AREN'T RESPECTFULLY DOING JACK SHIT ARE YOU

:v

🔪

18. GOOD QUESTION. very hard to answer. I don't think anything consciously but i think we r on the precipice of an extremely rancid discovery as old as time itself. pathologically self sufficient -> super secret getting taken care of/rescued/being vulnerable taboo subversion.

Which is craaaaaazy bc he is so so good at being practical+normal about the necessity of needing/using other people for things so it truly is just the mortifying ordeal of having people you care about care about you for real. Gay.

after writing llh's name on his hand is there anything left to get flustered about

soooo practical

(also you skipped 10)

(but you have to do all of them anyway)

HE IS SO SO PRACTICAL FORREAL

AND I DIDN'T SKIP IT I JUST FORGOT

10. LITERALLY HOW WOULD HE KNOW. Anyway forget whatever i most recently said had replaced "hunting man" as the most dangerous game bc thats probably it now.

i was expecting he trained himself out of it like having taste buds but yeah how would it ever be an issue in the first place

what a blind spot for di-mengzhu to have

his blind spot is just fine. call an ambulance but not for me etc

sdfgdfgdf

19. He ostensibly doesn't. He says true+real things to people and how they feel about it is their problem unless or until they make it his and he is not going to change ever.

(Obviously whatever he's got going on w llh and the favor trading system is its own fucking gongfu. But it parallels what i just said in that it could be hard to distinguish, bc he also just does tradey bullshit all the time. The real distinction is just in the rancidity ig)

The bids for attention are just regular degular flirting though (and it sucks) but no one told him

lmfaooooooo rip

to US

just you i think

hmph

21 obvs he is down to spoil llh just not without also being 💥so fuckin obnoxious💥but its not a conscious undertaking, thank god. Doing enough damage to that man psychically as it is. Technically he is just keepin on keepin on giving everyone exactly what they deserve. As something to enjoy having the power to do he is there but not consciously.

Being spoiled is too wild to contemplate (and was probably pretty fucking insane to experience just in the "getting given sword straps and clothes n whatall" era). fucked up thing to do.

we could be on the precipice of that also

llh likes giving gifts but in line with all his "focus on what matters" outlook he only does so when he's got a real good/thoughtful/useful one (all the cooking and candy and whatall notwithstanding obvs)

so far he has been more focused on giving dfs experiences though

but turns out being given gifts just because is also an experience

good thing that mostly happened while he had amnesia

and will never happen again uh huh

I WANT TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT but i have to make dindins

I believe you can finish it after dindins

believe my ass

😘

it helped immensely

23. I FORGOT I WAS DOING THIS

also i tried to face this and realized it would be 18 paragraphs and then left forever

I GUESS COMPETENCE IS THE PRIMARY THING FOR ATTRACTION AND GENERAL APPROVAL bc like. what else is there. but most of the time that just means he is going to collect someone like a weird horse. I KNOW THE QUESTION JUST SAID 'ONE THING'

(i would class the little freak behaviors as cute over attractive and that's worse???? that's worse. none of thse words are correct and also they aren't in the bible)

(i can't answer questions like this a goblin is trying to steal my wife)

(TAKE HER TBH)

WOW

you should write more words about what differentiates competence attraction from general approval that just turns people into horses for him to collect

I WANT TO BUT IT"S LIKE BEING IN THAT SWAMP THAT GOT THAT HORSE IN NEVER ENDING STORY

literally where im at rn

this was so much easier to write in the silver room into an email draft and than c/p

you have my permission to write it at work

beans to your permission that's where i'll do the other ones that you have to pick

I PICKED ALL THE ONES

i picked ones and you did them very well and now you do the rest

(the competence is just like an entry level ticket until there's like a LOT of competence)

YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SAY NUMBERS OR I WONT DO IT

(but also he's invented his own weird version of comphet that isn't actually het at all)

3, 6, 8, 11, 12, 13, 15, 16, 17, 20, 22, 24, 25

(he isn't allowed by his worldview to just be into people bc that's frivolous and weak and only a total jackass would fall for something as dumb as attractiveness which much like food flavors is barely real. comphet but neither of those things)

THAT'S SO MANY QUESTION

JUST BE INTO A PERSON AS AN EXPRESSION OF YOURSELF

you said to say numbers so you'll do them

as long as that person is the best yeah

i did say than and i stand by it but i have to complain also

(the freak behaviors are cute bc he's having such a good time doing them. simple zest for life.)

( i guess it evens out by the fact llh thinks the atrocities are cute)

(evens out is not what it does)

(karmically)

IT'S JUST VERY DIFFICULT FROM THIS SWAMP TO PUT INTO WORDS WHAT THE CORE STRUGGLE CAUSING ALL THE MATH IS BC THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANYONE LESS PRIMED FOR A GAY AWAKENING EVEN THE GUY COSPLAYING THE MONKEY KING SAID THAT

truly a 'you are like little baby. watch this.' of doing interpersonal math

dfgfdgfdhdfgd

rip???

does dfs not know

he's got to know himself

oh no i maybe conveyed the opposite thing than i meant, he is immune to gay awakening, that would be such a dumbshit thing to struggle with that literally is made up and not real

rip to anyone who has that struggle but that would be some weak shit for real

oh good yeah. it might be it's 5 am but i was worried yeah

RIGHT LIKE CAN YOU FUCKIN IMAGINE

no he has rejected societies struggles and made up a scaffold of way weirder ones for enrichment

i agree with llh that the problem is that he's into llh and if he had better taste he would have less problems

llh is a bitch idiot who needs to git gudder OR get put into that machine

(also i like how it's less problems and not NO problems lmao. clear admission there are problems in there)

well yeah he's a fucking weirdo

listen. that's literally why its fine.

LIKE NORMALCY WOULDN'T SAVE HIM. YOU"VE SEEN THE LLH DISEASE

i got so far afield from 'one thing that is cute/attractive' on account of all the problems

(was a-fei into fdb, bc he had forgotten his comphet at the time, much like flavors?)