kana's journal is here and her first thread is over here

i'm gonna use this space to kinda talk myself through some things as they come up

and the first thing, which inspired me to make this plurk to begin with, is

How Would Kana Handle Someone Mom'ing At Her

KANAAAAAAAAAAA

this is significant because kana's relationship with her mom is uh

hm

well

the way that it is

and its also significant because thats going to be ALLLLLLLLL over that first thread LOL so i shouldve started this thought process before now but here i am

something i'm conscious of, that i need to watch carefully, is that kana has some similarities to a couple other characters i play

my main female sole survivor OC, zetta reynolds, and to a lesser extent kyoko sakura

all three of them are fast-thinking, foul-mouthed tsunderes with parent issues, and two of them are redheads LOL

zetta is closer to kana, because she specifically has issues with her mom and is a genius in her own field

so i'm especially going to have to pay attention to prevent any accidental stream crossing between them

so like. zetta's reaction to someone mom'ing at her would be uh. Not Good. she would get very hostile very fast. but zetta is a lot more hotheaded and argument-driven than kana, and a lot less fawning

in fight/flight/fawn/freeze, zetta is primarily fight, where kana is primarily fawn and is more likely to fight... herself

even if zetta was kana's age, she would be hostile about it, because she's very much like. "i dont need a mom, at all, not my own or a substitute"

whereas kana more deeply craves attention and affection, especially her mom's

i think her kneejerk would be to be more embarrassed

without realizing why

kana is generally very self-aware, but like anyone else she has her blind spots, and she hasnt written her mom off the way zetta has. even if her mom deserves it

so i wonder how kana would justify her flustered reaction to herself LOL

in ai's case, she may excuse it as "it's because it's ai, superstar superfamous genius idol"

if she looked at it, she could also feasibly wave it away as "its because ai and aqua are more similar than one might expect" but i dont know if she would necessarily connect those dots unless something overtly draws her attention to it

but i really do think it will start out as, "ai has better things to be doing than worrying about me being sick"

"i can take care of myself its no big deal i always take care of myself when i'm sick, you dont have to worry about me, it's fine" but in a kind of. not quite self deprecating way, but there isnt faux anger there (where zetta converts so many feelings, esp vulnerability, into anger, obviously fake or otherwise)

zetta and kana also have verrrry different relationships to the rougher parts of their personalities

when kana is genuinely comfortable with someone, she doesnt try to hide it. she lets herself be herself, even if she also like. talks down about this trait of hers

when she's her most genuine self, kana is bossy, has a "foul mouth," and honestly kind of has a big sister attitude. this is the kyoko similarity, where she's got a tough kid attitude going

but where kyoko plays hers up and hides her good girl side, kana does the opposite -- plays up her good girl side with people she doesnt know and goes out of her way to prove herself to be useful

kana wants to be valuable. she wants to be useful. its the way she's been taught that people will want to keep her around -- for her skills and the money she can bring in, not who she is as a person

(zetta, meanwhile, doesnt put on an act. she isnt out to please anyone. she has no fawn response, unlike kyoko and kana)

if someone wants to caretake at zetta, they have to successfully logic their way through her defenses. it isnt necessarily hard to do, because she can get kind of "throws tables and chairs over behind her as she runs away" about it

if someone wants to caretake at kyoko, they have to grapple with her trying to put them off by actively playing up her bad girl attitude. either that or just catch her feeling so awful that she cant resist LOL

if someone wants to caretake at kana... i dont think its so much that kana would test people like kyoko, its more like she's going to keep trying to deflect until you manage to land a critical hit

"pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" type

i love it when my characters parallel and reflect and foil each other

THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO HIGHLIGHT THIS IN ACTUAL RP THREADS FOR OBVIOUS REASONS but it delights me to play with

talking this all out is definitely helping, seeing the directions their traits move in

ok i think im ready to tackle this tag

god i think kana will laugh it off! the way she always takes care of herself when she's sick! similar to how she laughs about how she brings in no money and just disappoints people

i want to see how long it takes for one of these girls to go "oh my god she's just like me fr" and i wonder who's gonna get there first

oh yeah i can definitely see kana as having the abused/neglected kid response of "no, i don't need to be coddled, i can take care of myself, i'm good at that" bc of the correlation btwn. needing help -> caretaker gets angry or disappointed -> therefore if i can demonstrate how much i DON'T need help then that's a good thing

exxxxaaaaacttlyyyyyyy

everyone always praised her for being so grown up so being independent, and emphasizing that she's independent, is one of her go-to's

like. down to the fact that she got into having high grades to make her mom happy. textually

this is a kid whose popularity was waning when she was fucking four years old 'due to her attitude' (and i'm sure she WAS difficult to work with, but she was FOUR, and i'm sure her mom was even worse to work with actually)

(also. akasaka. please learn how kids work)

at her core. she's just an abused/neglected kid thrown to the wolves of the entertainment industry who stays because she's been taught that its the only place she has value. gee i wonder where i've heard that before

i think this probably serves as another wedge between her and ruby + mem. they're there because they choose to be, they find it fun and fulfilling

kana has ambitions for her career, too, but at the same time, there's more of a trapped element for her

even if she never looks at that idea directly, i think part of her is conscious of it

Ough...

need to repost some of the ai kana parallel shit i noticed while screaming to the brainrot server

also, i have been doing a small thought experiment during my manga reeread where, when kana is doing her public good girl act, i ask myself, "would the dialogue / behavior here really change all that much if this was ai instead of kana" and it is not uncommon for the answer to be "no not really"

exhibit A:

further evidence for the parallel:

AAAGH LOOK AT HER