in a strange twist of fate, I agreed to clean my Mexican housemate's bedroom in return for AUD$25.

Reasonable I thought, couldn't take more than an hour to sort his shit out, vacuum the floor etc etc etc

honestly though, the place was fucking putrid. Empty (and some not so empty) beer and drink bottles, food bowls containing black filth...

that might have been digestible three months ago and crawling with fruit fly, spiders crawling through the ruins, what appeared to be cum...

...stains on the wall (and good luck if he can shoot that high)...

two hours later, putting the final finishing touhes on it, he rings me up to ask how I went...

...offering me another ten dollars and a chocolate milk to wash his clothes for him

He definitely got the deal of the century, I hope you didn't agree to wash his clothes?

No. And I didn't get an offer to wash his dishes either. I just went to the kitchen and noticed the pile of muppet-ridden crockery was gone.

I can only presume he was as good as his word and threw them out and will buy fresh crockery this week. This troubles me ever so slightly.

Its not that I don't support his right to buy fresh china rather than get his fingers wet with dishwater and I guess someone has to keep...

...the makers of low-priced china in business. But we only have a 40 litre wheelie bin to share between three housemates and I am worried...

...there wont be enough room to stuff HIM in the bin before next week's rubbish collection.

LOL!

I'm afraid I won't be paying you money to clean my apartment, but I can pay you with uh, my awesome presence.

you get it done for free Mae cos I know you'll be donating all your cuddles and snuggles to a worthy charity later...

...the Jock Cheese Appreciation Society...

yes, plus I'd be so grateful to see this apartment clean, I'd do anything for said charity.

besides, I like you lots and lots better than any smelly messican or scientology housemate You purdy & make me all squidgey & mushy inside

(by the way, have I told you that I love you today? can I do it again just to be on the safe side?)

you may. Just don't compare me to a Scientologist ever again.

not even favourably?

I should be in another league all together, so that comparison isn't even possible.

you are. I'd crawl into bed and cudde and kiss you. Wouldnt do that to the housemates here

not unless you really really REALLY wanted me to.....(you dont want me to, do you?)

not unless they give you a plane ticket in exchange.

*shudder*

I'll ask them later.... maybe if I look really woebegone and pathetic I can get out of the cuddles AND get the ticket anyway, you think?

if you think it'll work, go for it. You know I'd do it for you!

no, I dont think you would sleep with either of these two... the mexican is a grot of epic proprortions and the scientologist is a...

...morbidly obese giant ex-briton with no lower teeth and a snore that shatters Tupperware

you'd be sadly surprised what I'd do at this point.

i think I'd drop dead with amazement if it included any trysts with either of these two

I mean that - I mean Im surprised tothink you find ME attractive, but these two were congealed, not born

if it solved an ongoing 5 year dilemma that has been at the top of my list, get the defibrillator ready.

I meant to get you here, no because I actually would want to sleep with them, yeesh.

so much later, after Mae has met the 2 roommates in question, she has decided that if it came down to that kind of choice, she knows which

one she would choose, if forced.

Hint-the one that doesn't wear a shit stain covered bathrobe.