shud
13 years ago
sorry plurk, but i really need to rant nao
latest #13
shud will
13 years ago
start with the good i guess. i've passed IPPT twice
shud
13 years ago
and actually ran under 10 minutes. though i can't get anything above a pass due to jumping. and pullups : o
shud
13 years ago
(lol typical NS rant. ugh)
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shud
13 years ago
a pass doesn't gurantee me a place in command school. parents are cool with me not getting it, but i kinda want it
shud
13 years ago
and, argh, idk plurk. it's frustrating how the one person i'm doing all this for doesn't give half a shit about me
shud
13 years ago
or does give a shit, on and off. when she feels like it. and only after i've gotten better.
shud
13 years ago
i know what i'm doing to myself is unhealthy. i know it will never ever work out in the long run.
shud
13 years ago
i'm a complete mess inside and i've almost reached the point of completely breaking down during training a few times.
shud
13 years ago
i know my problem is that i'm overly dependent on her companionship and that i'm allowing myself to get hurt 99% of the time
shud
13 years ago
i know it's better for me never to talk or see her anymore. i know there are healthier ways to deal with serving this goddamn nation
shud
13 years ago
i'm perfectly aware that she currently is and has always been the only person that has truly made me very very upset on a regular basis
shud
13 years ago
so why can't i just not give a damn about her anymore, after everything she's done and everything she's doing to me
shud
13 years ago
i don't know what to do anymore.
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