It's 11pm. The 10-12yr old neighbor kids are outside playing, screaming, and cheering.
Dear Mom and Dad, please bring your children inside to safety, before i give them a reason to run around screaming.
Thank you. That is all.
i would suggest Molotov perhaps? 
just remember below the belt it won't be considered attempted murder that way
Sounds good. Works for Zombies, right?
zombies head or just run like hell
Women: Protecting the world's children from tired armed men and zombies:
Pet, I freakin love your brain. Thats hilarious. and Night, I totally agree.