Victor Sullivan wins. By running them over with his plane.

^This

I've been thinking

Ash comes pre-equipped with a sawed-off and a chainsaw. He doesn’t fuck around

Sully has his sarcasm, but mostly a pistol.

And James Bond has all manner of things, but mainly a pistol, a well-tailored suit, and a watch that can probably unarm a nuke

Our primary problem is dealing with the weapons.

As evidenced by the film AoD, Ash can fire his shotgun about 30+ plus times without reloading.

Bond has to reload, but he’s mindful of ammo so it’s not a problem. Same with Sully.

Why they are fighting is irrelevant, but once they’re in the midst of combat I think motivation is important.

Bond fights for his country, Sully wants to survive, and Ash wants you to get the fuck out of his face.

I’m imagining it plays like this:

Sully opens the fight with a crack at Bond, probably about how amidst all his gadgetry Bond would still have problems

finding his crown jewels.

Ash laughs, Sully puffs away on a cigar, and Bond smirks while secretly pointing a pocket pistol at Sully.

BUT IT’S NO SECRET.

Fearing the coming kerfuffle, Ash takes a preemptive strike and fires of a shot at Bond. Bond leaps away.

Sully pulls out his own pistol and also fires off a couple rounds, but Bond has cleverly used a table as an impromptu shield.

Ash tears through this with his chainsaw, but has failed to notice Sully approaching from behind.

BUT WAIT! Bond throws a bottle of whiskey (this is happening in a bar, clearly) at Sully, where,

Instead of smashing against his head, Sully catches it and takes a swig. This man knows priorities

Meanwhile, Ash, without pumping the gun, has managed to fire a barrage of sparks at Sully in (because that’s mostly what his gun does

)

. The slugs all miss Sully, but the sparks re-ignite his cigar.

Bond, finally noticing the quality of smoke pouring out of the cigar, raises a nuke-disarming-watch-clad wrist.

“Where did you get that fine cigar?” Bond would ask.

“Your mom,” Ash would say.

“Actually, if you kids could just calm down for one minute, I’d be more than happy to tell you,” Sully would say.

The three look at each other until Bond rights the table and Sully pulls up several chairs.

“I got these babies in Cuba,” Sully begins, and then he’s off, waving his arms as he tells some crazy story

about he and this whip of a kid Nate Drake.

Bond and Ash listen well into the night, until Ash says

“I got one better, old man. I got sucked back in time to save the world from an army… of darkness!”

And then he’s off and running, gesturing with a machine-like hand about his exploits in the past.

Well after midnight (and well into the third bottle of Jack), Bond pipes up that he actually has some stories that have been declassified.

Sully and Ash listen, chummy with liquor, as Bond explains just how many countries he’s saved—and how many women he’s had.

“I’d get tested if I were you,” Sully says much later, standing up. Bond stands up with him, drunk and smiling.

“Where are you going?” Ash asks, still at the table.

“I’m out of here,” Bond says. It’s obvious he’s tired.

“Haven’t you forgotten something?” Ash asks.

Bond and Sully look at him.

"What?"

"Your present," Ash says.

And before anyone can do anything, Ashe's hand flashes up

holding Sully's pistol, and he fires two shots--

one for Bond

and one for Sully.

As Bond struggles to get away, crawling over Sully's body beneath the table, he feels the cold grip of metallic fingers on his neck.

And then there is a pressure, with a welcoming darkness,

and then all he hears are words being whispered into his ear:

"Hail to the king, baby."

OH GOD I'M SO LONELY YOU GUYS

Holy shit

Chloro what even

WHAT'S HAPPENING G OH GOD I THINK IT'S OVER NOW

I mean that was awesome but

/hugs

everyone can take this off mute now, it's over

lol

Hahahahaha oh my god

I went out for a food and came back to the best fanfic

HEH HEH HEH

DON'T YOU LAUGH AT ME LIKE THAT, MADAME.

It happened so fast I don't even...

If I wrote fanfic you guys would all cry.

Of embarrassment for me.

No I wouldn't

I'd be one of those crack fic writers

Still not seeing a problem here

I liked this MOAR

Now I'm all like

Yes good.

ilu all

hugs all around

YUSS

you have the best gifs omg