so i thought my arachnophobia got kind of better since i dont seem to freak out at the sight of a spider anymore
except then someone i follow on tumblr posted a FUCKING CLOSEUP OF A SPIDER
i spent the next five minutes sobbing uncontrollably wow talk about getting better
im getting so tired of this really
and people keep telling me JUST STOP BEING AFRAID OF THEM THEY'RE NOT THAT SCARY THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU
(well some species can but we don't have those around here)
except thats not how phobias fucking work
how am i supposed to stop being scared of something when its not even rational fear
its not the kind of fear when youre afraid to go out at the night because it's dangerous
its just it its fear and its not something i can fucking control
i mean my conscious doesnt even have the time to kick in
im already screaming and crying with fear before I EVEN FUCKING KNOW IT
yeah guys sure i can totally control it
sure
just ugh im so tired of this
theres not a day when i DONT check basically every room i come into for spiders
its really just getting annoying and unnerving and im just kind of scared all the time
this sucks