I should go to bed because I know these feelings get worse the longer I stay up.

It's funny. I've made new friends through tumblr. I have people messaging me saying they miss me and wish I was on skype/aim more.

I even had a friend come out and tell me he's had a crush on me for months!

But I'm still lonely. I still feel worthless.

I don't feel like I deserve their friendship. I'm never around afterall.

I'm a bad friend and a bad girlfriend.

I don't really have anything to say

i've just been crying for the last 15 minuets or so

If there is a silver lining to all this, it's that I've found myself NMing Shiro lately.

Well.

Twice.

But for a good long while she was my best friend and she stuck by me when life was really bad for me. So it's nice knowing that even now, I can still talk to her.

I'd really like to rekindle that friendship.

I know it will never be the same. It's been YEARS since I talked to her.

But I still miss her and think of her fondly.

UGH no, ok.

No more crying.

No matter how much I long for some sort of comfort, I won't get it.

I need to just go to bed and get ready for another long and miserable day at work.

LONG STORY SHORT: I hate myself and cry over it andI am afraid to open up to new people because I am 100% sure they'll hate me as much as I do /o/

(and people who already talk to me probably hate me too they just don'tsay it to my face because they're awesome people who I don't deserve to share the same planet with)

...aris

The only one who seems to hate you is yourself. I do not hate you at all and I DO miss you here. You're not a horrible person.

I know how it feels to be like this though so I knows it's hard to deal with...

Just know that I'm here and loads of other people.

Who know that Aris is as beautiful and wonderful as ever.