what's up?

and I'm making this public 'cuz I value all (3) of your opinions very much -- oh hey Greer

no

you're ash?

WOW I'M NOT GREER

fuckin'

ASSHOLE

I got all confused 'cuz you had the same names

LFMSDLGFDSG no I mistake myself as greer half the time it's ok

I need to change names

FUCK YOU FOR HAVING THE SAME NAME AND SWITCHING AROUND

LMAO

hahahaha

anyway, I'm finally kicking myself in the ass to look out more for myself, but this is such a weird situation... I am giving myself until Saturday to decide if I'm dropping Rebecca or not

I need to give myself a deadline or I'll keep dragging this on until I die

the thing that is making me hesitant about it though is that she's been having crazy suicidal tendencies, and I don't know if I could live with myself if she... well...

yeah... after I pushed her out of my life

so maybe the way I want to approach it is wrong?

she's just.... dealing with so many wrong crowds, getting involved in too many illegal things that seriously, I think I am threatening my own future by remaining friends with her

or associated with her in any way

I JUST got an internship, the first step towards the career of my fuckin' DREAMS

and she decides that "I'm gonna be a cocaine dealer for my friends hurr hurr"

and I'm like "well fuck, it's bad enough that I know now, but what if she gets caught?"

knowing the type of person she is, she's constantly craving attention. you can't help her any more than you have and it's not your fault if this does happen to be more than a publicity thing in her circle

me being associated get ME in trouble too?

you know my opinion already but you need to get out of that and stop feeling guilt tripped back into it or you'll get into something and not be able to go back and regret it

yeah... I guess I'm afraid of regretting it if I leave and she shoots herself in the head x_x

it might be wrong for me to say so but I don't think she's going to do anything like that

if anything it's way more likely she'll get involved in something and get killed some other way I SOUND SO BRUTAL BUT JUST...

she's acting like she hates her life but she does absolutely nothing to change it

^^^ SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYY

no no, this is what gets me

two days ago, she's like "man... my life is going so well, but... I don't know. When I'm happy, I just want to self-destruct and make things miserable again."

suicide that should be taken seriously in my experience comes more from someone doing everything in their power to change it and it not working still, if that makes sense

and I was like wtf can you please explain that and she just... she couldn't explain it to me

she's just dramatic that's literally all it is

she loves the drama

happiness doesn't bring drama

yeah... I guess, it's hard to remember 'cuz she's been self harming, so the scars scare me? but then she shows it off and whatever and I'm like

"okay, that's... a cry for attention right?"

yeah like

that's still not good but

you're not loud about something if you plan on just ending it completely

BASICALLY what I'm saying is you need to stop finding the reasons to stay with her and think of all the reasons you shouldn't

it's not your job to fix her life, it's hers, and as sad as it is, she clearly doesn't want to

maybe you separating yourself from her will even knock some sense into her

yeah you're right. there's just something about seeing her again and how we can joke that makes me want to reconsider

but I really need to look out for myself

it's looking out for her too. by ignoring everything she's doing and joking around with her, it's reassuring her that everything she's doing is okay

so you need to stop for that too

she's locked herself into a vicious cycle of stupid stupid STUPID and I'm along for the ride because I care for some reason

yeah... okay. I chose this Saturday because it's my last day at this job, so we'll see how it goes

good luck and you know I'm here if you have to talk about it more!

thank you Ashley!

welp. I think she got 'detained' in the hospital again for continuously self-harm

I don't know if I'm gonna see her at all tomorrow

I... guess I could break ties with her over the internet...???

it might be better

jesus

hi tHIS IS GREER

OUR NAMES AREN'T SIMILAR AT ALL THANKS but yeah you're not wrong for cutting her out, i know it'll feel that way

there's no real easy way to go about it unfortunately, pretty much every way has negative consequences

very few people in that state take things like that easily

and it's awful and you'll feel guilty but at the same time you have to realize that you could be her crutch if you stick around

and as cruel as it sounds, sometimes heavy consequences are good wake-up calls or will help lead to them further down the line

i do feel like if you can do it in person you should

hard as that will be

yeah so she can understand you're serious and that it's not like... you just trying to ditch her either, it's you not accepting her actions anymore

HEY GREER I GOT CONFUSED SOMEHOW I'M SORRY

yeah, I'm gonna try to do it in person but

if she's gonna be stuck in the hospital... I'd have to visit her there to 'break up' with her

fuuuuuuuckk

how long do you think she'll be there?

and maybe it's not a bad place to do it either

you think it won't be so bad? it feels wrong somehow

but uh, I have no idea to be honest

last time she was in for a week, and she got out because she convinced them that she had to work

she's been free to roam around on the conditions that she stop self-harming

but she's been failing that....

she kept mentioning being on a '52-50'

which sounds like being permanently held in a hospital until further notice

or rather, she kept mentioning that she almost got into a '52-50'

a 52-50 just means that they're at risk to themselves or others

which means they do have to keep them until that changes yes

I see I see

but if anywhere is a good place to think over it, I'd think somewhere like the hospital is a safe one

maybe she'll be able to realize what position she's in

me too, but she seemed to think otherwise

it's natural that she would, no one wants to be in that position

fjdsaklfjdsla, I'm gonna figure out from her mom where she's being held

I actually have no idea what hospital she's been going to

oh, she's not in a hospital, she's just been too depressed to get out of bed

do I take her out to dinner? do I drive to meet her? god I feel like I'm planning a date

I don't want her to take efforts to meet me only to find out I'm cutting her out of my life

it's going to feel bad no matter what you do jena

today's the day.... it's gonna happen

it is done....

how'd it go....

it made me very sad

she got really quiet and curt when she realized what I meant by "I want a divorce"

I explained myself tp her sorta, like "you're getting mixed up in the wrong stuff and me being associated could get me in trouble"

"I feel like I'm enabling you so I dont want to get in the way of your recovery"

"I also realized that our friendship was loosely based around you manipulating me and I dont want to be a part of that anymore"

and she just said she understood and that no matter what happens to her, dont feel guilty, and that she has no control over her actions anymore

which makes me angry 'cuz that's her usual 'avoiding responsibility for whatever I do' shit

but we were both pretty upset when we parted ways

I'm still sad, but I'll be fine

i'm glad it didn't get anymore painful than that though

it could have gone a lot worse and it sounds like it went the best possible way

as... bad as that may sound

I'm proud of you jena :c even if it was hard

that makes sense, and thanks guys <3

<3