i think i need to move. i didn't want to after graduation last year or even last week when my uncle asked me if i did but i think i was wrong about that.

i think i'm just scared about making big changes and doing new things. but after last night i don't think anything will ever change if i don't learn to let it

the place where my new job is at is in an area that lots of drinking and partying happens. a lot of homeless and transient people stay there because no one harasses them much like in downtown areas.

so usually I don't think much about it. if i work late someone might ask for change or something. i usually have tip money or bus fare home that i don't really need

yesterday i got the porter to let me out after 11. not that late. but someone was calling me from next door. which is a church and a mission building. on the front and back in the daytime there are

busy transit stops. two blocks up and one over there's a local art and history museum so i'm not the only person around who looks like me

and i had this job for months now so i feel comfortable there. that's the only way i can explain why i went over to this guy who was calling me from the alley between that building and an empty one.

looking back i know it was stupid but i didn't think. i just thought he needed help or he was sick or something.

i guess he was... anyhow i went and i got hit so hard a lot of what happened after that was blurry or i don't remember it

one of my teeth got wired back in but I don't know if it'll reattach or not. the dentist says it's worth trying.

that was a long tangent what am i trying to say here? sorry i might still be loopy.

moving. i think i want to move. those guys know where i live now. i don't want to be there.

I think it's really worth it to move and get away from that kind of lack of safety. And you're a kind person, who does and will help those in need.

so if anyone read this in spite of the gross warnings i could use suggestions. i'm not going back to my apartment yet

And you had felt safe there for months, it wasn't the first thought on your mind to be wary.

and i'm not allowed at work for a few days while they rearrange my schedule and deal with some security stuff

even though it was my fault.

anyhow if you could go anywhere where would you go? i think it's way past time i woke up and made a change. i just need a plan.

you can't control the actions of others, and yes, it wasn't you being wary, but it's not your fault for getting beat up. let me ask my roommate for suggestions, too... does portland feel doable?

it's just me and angel now. he's letting me stay at his place until i feel better but he said he'd come with me if i leave.

he'll go to the dmv and help with the rest of the reports after i'm done with the police and medical stuff

he said we can keep the stray cat from outside

i've never been out of this area even for a vacation so i don't know where to start.

it's not your fault someone attacked you, dude.

it's hard for me to say in any easy way, because i did have friends and family to crash with when i was getting my feet in new places. places i'd go... to somewhere that seems vibrant to me

anyway, I don't know where you live, exactly, but moving to portland, if you have someone willing to help you get a job and stuff, is probably not a bad plan.

plus it's cheaper.

no i meant it's my fault for doing something that stupid! you're right I guess. Portland is only a couple hours from here and most of my family is there now

yeah I know you're Seattle-centric, but maybe not necessarily in Seattle proper. Either way, I know Portland is less $$$

vibrant cities us is a google search term

my city is on that list but so is Portland and some others i never even thought of

nyc >>>>>> seattle for diversity and shit to do.

maybe consider university elsewhere too

as in think about if it might open up good experiences for you in a new place

the company has a program but it's with uw. which is a better school than i think i would get into. maybe i'm over thinking it

i didn't get very much sleep

no, i think getting out of seattle in general may be good for you as a whole

if you don't feel safe then yeah, moving is not a bad idea. I'm glad you're okay now -- that's scary shit.

aaaah sorry my eye swelled shut on one side and it was hard to answer pluck things. it still is but it feels less like my face hit the bricks today. which I think it did actually but in not sure.

plurk things. still out of it sorry

i don't know. maybe it's silly to worry about it. it just shook me up a lot. i've been beat up before but this was a whole new level

i didn't even think they hit me anywhere besides my face but my torso is covered in marks i don't even remember getting. i think the memory loss is what scares me

i just don't know what happened. it's barely even on the security footage because i was stupid enough to walk into the alley

you're not stupid. it's not fair or normal that this should have happened to you and it's definitely not silly to be shaken up by it

it's 100% okay to be feeling like that

i shouldn't have done it that's all. if they'd stabbed me or something i don't know what my mom would've done. it was such a bad year for her i haven't even called to tell her yet because i don't want

to make her cry again. i just feel really awful now that i'm able to think about it.

i'm sorry! i do appreciate you being so nice about it but it really feels like my fault. i feel so guilty.

people have to work my shifts, our security rules as a corporation are being changed and angel called in two days in a row to watch me because i'm concussed and it worried him

all because i forgot about how we learned in preschool not to follow strangers into dark alleys. so i guess i also hurt my self esteem.

it'll get better when i feel better i think

you don't have to be sorry! your feelings make sense

I hope you do feel better soon and it's good that you've got people looking out for you

i really appreciate you (and everyone else too) for letting me just word vomit about this. the first day i was mostly just confused but it got more stressful somehow

i think i need to just accept it and deal with it so i'm working on trying to get myself there

<3

if I can help with anything just let me know

remind me sometimes not everyone is my friend i guess. every time someone really hurts me it's because i try to help people out. it's embarrassing.

sorry that was supposed to be funny but i don't know if you can tell on the internet

for some reason i have a splitting headache! (that one you can tell with right?)

anyhow thanks. just you listening really really helps a lot. thank you

drink some water! and <3 again

less than three you too

i will

hugs from afar, very gently

thank you i'll always look for giraffes

they are friendly if awkward beasts

my favorite kind

oh god that's horrifying and i'm sorry that happened

i hope you're doing okay, scout. moving is a really terrifying idea, i know, but it sounds like a change of scenery is needed.

yah i'm not sure why it scares me i guess i'm not good at change. i still think of this as my new job and it's not very new anymore

i don't think it can be that different anywhere else but i have never been away so it just feels like i might be different there

that doesn't make sense. i don't know what i'm talking about sorry

thanks though i think i'm feeling better. actually i'm lying it feels worse but i know that's how things heal

i do have someone watching out for me though you're right i'm really really lucky