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9 years ago
[lgbt/FEELINGS/mute] whoop. eating lunch feeling great watching buzzfeed-- two seconds into a video about coming out and Im already crying
latest #92
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9 years ago
GUESS ILL TRY OUT THIS FEELINGS PLURK ugh
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9 years ago
man I can't believe how effortlessly that got to me. the video hadn't even gone anywhere
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9 years ago
....guess that means this is probably a touchy topic with me right now, huh.
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9 years ago
that what you're trying to tell me, brain.
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9 years ago
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9 years ago
that... makes sense...
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9 years ago
ugh. it's been a half hour and Im still goin
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9 years ago
I really like being able to hide in seattle, I think
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9 years ago
Im afraid of everything outside of it
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9 years ago
all my problems are out there and I dont like being reminded of them I guess
it's ok to NOT come out, you know? it's ok to do it but it's fine to not be ready yet.
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9 years ago
yeah... but I don't know if I'd actually ever feel 'ready'
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9 years ago
and part of me feels like there would be this big weight lifted off my shoulders
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9 years ago
I hate hiding
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9 years ago
I hate having to screen what I say and do
even if you don't feel ready, if you want to come out, that'd also be okay.
doing it via e-mail would be okay.
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9 years ago
yeah... I think email is probably how I'd go
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9 years ago
as least for my uncle, since there might be an explosion
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9 years ago
maybe outing myself to my dad can be his father's day present ha ha ha :|
I think that's good. You can even recycle the same e-mail, if family members explode they'll have some time to cool d own.
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9 years ago
I cant believe how scary this is'
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9 years ago
have I mentioned that sometimes I forget Im gay???
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9 years ago
because her parents and everyone here is so cool about it, no one glances twice
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9 years ago
I forget about it
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9 years ago
and then Ill leave seattle or think about traveling somewhere or talking to someone from home
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9 years ago
it's
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9 years ago
pretty scary
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9 years ago
or Ill think about what life used to be
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9 years ago
I mean YOU KNOW how cool my parents are, and how no one in this city cares, and how I've got no idea how bad it is in the rest of the country...
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9 years ago
and Ill be like... wtf Im one of the gays?? when did that happen??
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9 years ago
But I'm still, like, scared to come out to my grandparents.
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9 years ago
gfdjhjk
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9 years ago
it'
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9 years ago
it's legit
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9 years ago
My harmless, Washington grandparents. :|
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9 years ago
The worst that they'll do is... Frown and suggest I look to God for answers or whatever, but still, the thought of being JUDGED by family is terrifying.
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9 years ago
No one wants to be looked down on for what they're doing, especially by family you're really close to.
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9 years ago
yeah...
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9 years ago
It makes perfect sense why you're upset about it.
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9 years ago
and I just remember all the times it has come up, all the things they've said, all the judging of "Other"
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9 years ago
I was there too. I was raised in it.
you know them. you've seen how they react to it.
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9 years ago
and so now sometimes I'll realize with this pang
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9 years ago
It's not fair that you've got to deal with it and not know if there's going to be fallout because of it.
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9 years ago
oh my god I'm one of them
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9 years ago
I think I agree with Senri that... coming out to some people ahead of time might be a good way to soften the blow when you actually visit.
you might be scared and never properly ready but it might be worth it to have it all out on the table. I feel like there are probably other closeted or queer family members who will be your allies.
even if in really subtle ways...?
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9 years ago
oh yeah there's no way that I'm going there TO come out
and I absolutely think you should come out ahead of time.
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9 years ago
yeah there's no question about that
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9 years ago
but if anything, that shortens my deadline to do it
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9 years ago
which is scary
you have us on your team!
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9 years ago
It'll be way easier if everyone clearly understands the terms of your visiting. :| To be a daughter and sister, and not the "gay (??) relative who moved away suddenly and needs to explain"
and you can SAY that.
you can say as much.
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9 years ago
yeah........
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9 years ago
I guess
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9 years ago
I do want to make some terms clear
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9 years ago
like hey Im here and Im with my girlfriend
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9 years ago
dont ask to see me if thats going to be a problem
are you guys renting a car?
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9 years ago
we'd have to
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9 years ago
(thanks for not auto-updating, plurk)
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9 years ago
you can't get around with public transportation there
good, then you can bail. you have so much implicit power if you can just leave.
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9 years ago
WELL yeah kind of. my mom really wants me to stay at her place
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9 years ago
I have to figure out a compromise or something
if someone wants to make it a big feelstalk of stuff you've explicitly said you're not up for, you can give them two topic changes and if they don't take a hint, you can remember there's something you have to
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9 years ago
I dont want to stay there
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9 years ago
yeah
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9 years ago
luckily I think they're all probably too anti-confrontation for that
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9 years ago
hopefully
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9 years ago
most of them are more passive aggressive
rehearse what you're going to do mentally. you can have plans for both bouncing passive-aggression and direct confrontation.
you shouldn't have to take that shit and if you decide to push back on it it's not wrong.
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9 years ago
the nice thing you opening communications is that... it gives them no excuse to be weird about it later...
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9 years ago
like, if they've got a problem and don't say anything to you about it, it's on them.
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9 years ago
if they are passive-aggressive later, that's them being horrible and not your fault at all. YOU DID YOUR BIT you opened up the floor for communication.
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9 years ago
we got ur back
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9 years ago
I will fight them with my little fists if I must
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9 years ago
jkhjk
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9 years ago
buh
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9 years ago
and boy... the mental rehearsing is going to be happening nonstop
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9 years ago
I know that much
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9 years ago
its already on my mind all the time
you CAN do this. it's surmountable. you can just take it in baby steps.
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