at work??

and have to go out to the bathroom in the hallway because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK YOU ARE CRYING AND YOU ARE IN AN OFFICE FULL OF PEOPLE THAT MIGHT WALK BY AND SEE YOU

AND IF THEY ASK WHY YOU ARE GODDAMN SCREWED BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW EITHER

oh my god i know what people here must think of me by now between being quiet and always sick i don't want to add 'crazy person' to the list

please just

please don't let my eyes swell up i'm not crying anymore i'm not upset at all why did that have to happen

just, what on earth?

Oh no : ((( you can always cite allergies for puffy eyes if people ask though. Weak a cover as it might be

i know i could crowd out all these nebulously undefined bad thoughts that are kind of weighing me down this morning but it just…doesn't feel worth the effort

if i think happy i'll be happier but it's not gonna make me more productive and it'll probably make the day last longer when i'm not just staring at the desk in front of me and zoning out

(whoops, sorry for the ~woe is me~ today plurk. i didn't sleep good last night but it usually does not at all affect me like this so I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR WEIRD)

it's so stupid too i know none of these feelings are even real and i'll shake my head at them tomorrow and think 'oh my god you be quiet have a cookie you were fine'