so idolm@ster cinderella girls is another idol anime; but it tackles a lot of realistic professional idol topics (as opposed to stuff like Love Live which is more slice of lifey/less about the actual industry)

but they also do a good job of just grabbing your feelings by the nads , ha ha.

the episode I watched today involved two girls who were members of units that were developed at the beginning of the series being offered promotions to different projects.

it's more complicated than that and there's quite a bit at stake, but it comes down to one girl being offered a solo and possibly putting her work with her duet partner on the backburner

and one girl (who is effectively one of the main characters) being offered a spot in a new unit with two girls who she feels really strongly about performing with because they have good chemistry

but similarly, theoretically putting work with her original two partners second. The whole episode is a lot of back and forth about challenging oneself and choosing to take risks to grow

but there's a scene where the latter of the two girls, Rin, is having a meeting with her original unit and tries to explain why she wants to do it, and watching it just made me feel... so sad.

Because it digs up some old feelings about the circumstances of my break up and past relationship in general (which I won't go into because a lot of people here are mutual friends).

I guess it's just... weird to see something so superficially innocent mirroring things I'm still digesting, even years later.

Obviously I'm at a much better place with them than before, but I also literally never talk about it with anyone.

I think ultimately when I do bring it up I immediately get deluged with the "moving on is healthy and expected" schpeel, which is fine, but kind of boring and not super helpful for me, ha ha.

Not because it's untrue, but because... I think things like "let go/move on" and "love yourself" are those big General Goals that are so general as advice but so personal as baggage?

So many people say things like that out of a desire to help their friends/loved ones, but when I took in so much advice and none of it really resonated/helped, it just ended up kind of making me feel insecure.

Like... I'm doing something wrong by not resolving these deep-rooted personal things the way other people do. Which is just another root of my own insecurity and not productive, either.

There isn't really a point to this musing, just trying to get my thoughts sorted on it, I guess? I dunno.

(also everyone should watch Cinderella Girls because I need people to scream about it with, ha ha)

ahh darling i totally understand. i think "moving on" means so many different things to different people and it also doesn't always happen linearly

if you ever want to talk specifics i'm happy to listen but also understand if you're not comfortable with that

I feel like this too. I want to let go of it obviously but I have to find a fine line of still being me and knowing it wasn't all a complete lie in every sense of the word.

I just feel like I have a lot of untangling to do. And then people tell me to find myself, but I already know exactly who I am. So then they make me feel like I don't know? But I know what I'm about, son.

It's totally ok to not resolve things the same way others do. And hey, if you wanna talk ever I'm here for you!