uuhhhh maybe i should have said med shit instead?? this is happening i'm being a stubborn ass about making appts and so i decided to start taking my ssris again w/o doctor oversight

and well. i mean. i stopped taking them without doctor oversight too, but that went ok up until i also went off my BC for a while and then everything went back to shit

i supppose i could stop trying to go back on them, after the second night of Insomnia Hell... i probably do need a doctor to tell me how to do this, and i was ok before i went off my BC by accident

but... making appointments... meeting new strangers and telling them about how i'm incredibly irresponsible and full of brain problems... (lies down)

i'll probably call out of work today (like i really should have yesterday) and try to benadryl myself into sleep after bro heads off.

in summary, my adult level is "risking health because i'm scared of phone calls"