i had such an articulate tirade planned

but now i'm just tired

i guess we have another lawn to take care of now

dad has a real fucking problem with telling anyone no for fucking anything

he keeps saying 'well you have to help out your family' and i just

??????????? ??????

i'm your fucking family

and i keep telling him that we don't need more fucking work, we're already mowing lawns four days a week and we're behind all the time

because of rain or scheduling conflicts or what have you

and in this specific instance, the aunt and uncle in question can absolutely afford to pay someone else to do it

but uncle john has bailed dad out a few times, which apparently means that saying 'look, i'd love to help you out, but i already have as much work as i can handle' is out of the question

and

just

to be clear

it's actually

more

work than he can handle

by himself

if i quit helping, he would not be able to keep up

but he'd fucking try, and he'd probably put himself in the hospital or some fucked up shit

so i can't just fucking quit

but i cannot fucking make him understand that this is too much fucking work

we have shit that needs to be done at home

we already have four fucking lawns to mow

now it's five

we can't fucking keep up with this and because he always prioritizes everyone else, we are the ones who suffer

i woke up this morning feeling, for once, like having to spend four hours on my feet with the weedeater was maybe not the end of the world

naturally by the time i was done i'd more or less changed my mind

i'm sore and i'm tired

and i have no energy to do anything but go to fucking bed

and now, even more work than before to look forward to

and it's not like i can really, reasonably say 'no, fuck this'

i'm not paying rent? i'm not paying utilities??

i'm getting free weed?

i don't know, i'm fucking tired of thinking about it

and my mom's in the hall and i don't want her to catch me crying so

i'm fucking done here