she was here over the weekend to help us pack and if i actually did lose the game im gonna ask for it for christmas because i know everyone will scrape together to help me get a new copy

if i really did lose it

and all i can think about is how NICE beth is

like; shes horribly poor and she was like

well go out to eat wherever you want! get whatever you like!

you dont have to worry about the cost

she gets us whatever we ask for for xmas/bdays

she goes so far out of her way to deliver on gifts

and then all i can think about is the fact that my father didnt even bother buying me a gift for graduation.

he insisted i have a big dinner at a really fancy restaurant and paid for it and that was his graduation gift.

my father who makes about $200k a year and had to "live off his savings" for a month this summer and was scandalised and is paying off $40k of my student loans out of pocket

hasnt bought me a birthday gift in four years

and when we go out to eat i feel chastised if i even ask for a soda, let alone a drink w alcohol in it, and always wants to eat at mcdonalds because its cheapest and its like...

god no wonder im fucked up

idk where im going with this i just kinda wish my dad cared about me as much as my mother in law does lmfao

im glad she does care that much and that you have someone like that in your life now, it makes such a difference

and also: if that game is missing i might actually have a nervous breakdown

my dad is a fuckin trip but even when he was doing Nice Shit he never like. cared enough to remember jack shit so like first time my stepdad bought mom and i chocolate and remembered not to get me

dark chocolate we both like. sat in the dark and cried for 2 hrs

i really hoe you find it ;__;

i think it might be in the ps2 im gonna look tomorrow

im just

idk it hurts a lot that for the first time in my life that i got gifts i actually wanted i was fucking 18yo and married

and i know its selfish and materialistic of me but it really, really just. year after year of never getting anything i asked for or not getting anything at all made me just hate my bday