ive been begging to do this one thing for literally 3+ months

multiple forum threads

multiple in person requests

bringing it up every week after we raid

alking about how much i want to do it on twitter

its the one thing ive wanted to do since i JOINED i havent done

and my fucking friends in their fucking "extra static" decided they were gonna do it tonight

and i UNDERSTANDABLY got upset because ive been begging to do this for MONTHS and theyd previously been like

yeah i dont care

lmao i dont really want to

not interested

maybe someday!

and then tonight they were like

oh! looks like we're gonna go do this with our "other static" because we have better friends now!

who are better players than you and we dont have to carry through anything!

and so we're gonna do it with them even though youve been begging to do this with us for months!

and then i vented about it on my vent/priv twitter and someone fucking RAN TO THE PERSON I WAS UPSET WITH

and was like

please do this with noah!!! he is upset!!!

so instead of asking me why i was upset they came in and SCREAMED AT ME ABOUT HOW IT WAS UNFAIR THAT I WAS UPSET BECAUSE THEY DIDNT DO SOMETHING TOTALLY UNRELATED WITH ME

this fucking guild!

if someone needs a hand we'll help them! thats all we do, help!

but when i need a hand?

no, nobody helps me! we dont go out of our way to help that guy! he can figure it out on his own!

if im upset, its hurting them! its not because they might have hurt me!

and i dont know if im selfish or fucked up or a shitty terrible friend

or if this is my fault and i deserve to die because

rust me!

i want to fucking kill myself right noe! i havent wanted to kill myself this much since i was fourteen! i want to just stab a knife directly into myt hroat and let met ell you

its good we have no knives in the house or id already have tried!

but it all comes down to ME being a bad and nasty friend and how dare i be upset over something

its like you begging to watch a movie with your friend for the first time for months and theyre like

i hate that movie and do not care

nd then one night theyre like

oh yeah, im gonna go out with this other friend to see this movie

and then when you get upset are like

oh i see you just dont want me to sit alone at home with you thats unfair!

NO

IM UPSET BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE THAT MOVIE WITH YOU

ND NOW I CAN NEVER SEE IT WITH YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN! BECAUSE I DONT GET TO BE ULPSET OR HAVE FEELINGS!

HOW DARE I BE SELFISH!

HOW DARE I, FOR FIVE MINUTES OF MY LIFE, WHO GOES OUT OF THE WAY TO BE KIND AND SUPPORTIVE AND THERE FOR EVERYBODY WHO DUMPS MY SCHEDULE TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS WHO SKIPS CLASS TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS

HOW DARE I BE UPSET THAT YOU NOT SHARE THIS WITH ME!

and now they walked in during fucking weeping city and screamed at me until i had to get offline and im so fucking incancesdcently angry

at the person who took stuff off my vent twitter

t neku for getting to be high and mighty and righteous

at MYSELF for bwing selfish and shitty because im not their best friend and im not any good and they do stuff every other night of the week so why should they make time for me!

ao yeah anyway someone come over here and fucking kill me i just want to die bye

oh noah ;; i'm so sorry that's a shitty thing on multiple levels--your guild, your violation of privacy. but please don't hurt yourself. i'm around on plurk / line if you need anyone to talk to

that is fucked up on all levels like. I wish it wasn't p2p or I would drag my friends n gf on to help you. then the fucking privacy violation just. fuck that's absolutely bullshit

im here if you want/need to talk about it

im not going to hurt myesel f i just dont know what to do any more

i love you noah and i'm here for you

I love you so much Noah I would be so fucking upset if this happened to me. anyone would be

we're here for you

i'm sorry noah, that's bullshit, i would be upset too and echoing what chels said, we're here

im not okay but i probably will be later