Normally I don't plurk this sort of crap but fuck I am exhausted.

Also, "trying hard" at a relationship with my mom is basically me being the only person in my family who tells her to her face what the emotional effect of her actions are on everyone else.

And also calling her out on her bullshit.

And spending uncomfortable amounts of time with her.

(Fun fact: we have never been close.)

She came over tonight and I wanted to tell her that I got invited to intern at a wildlife park (!!) but instead she immediately started talking about how I need to get horse/farm insurance and

She doesn't trust one of my best friends and she never wants this friends horse at our farm (and this horse is the future wife of my horse boyfriend)

And then in effect telling me that it's my fault if we lose our family farm because I didn't get horse insurance months ago

When I've been trying to do this insurance stuff for months but she keeps changing her mind on what her needs are?

Not that details are important, just that she always complains about stuff not getting done and the reason it doesn't get done is because of HER

And she obviously doesn't realize that, so she resorts to blaming whoever she is talking to at the time.

And since I am trying to form a relationship with her, that person is frequently me.

She takes it out on the person who is most actively trying to help her.

And then when I decided I needed to leave the room for a bit, I came back and she had left.

And I called her with the intention of inviting her back over for tea and I could tell her about my success (!!) and ask her about her day

And she instructed me to have some tea and go to bed early

She said "I'm sorry I made you upset" but that way of "you're upset and it has nothing to do with me" which is literally the opposite of what happened

I was in such a great mood before she came over that when my cat literally chewed nearly 2 inches of my hair off, I laughed

Like, I legit still think it's funny 😂😂

But otherwise I'm drained after 35minutes of being blamed like I'm a lazy worthless human who is also stupid (when I know I'm none of those things)

And my attempt to fix things before getting a poor night's sleep was a complete miss

Holy moly, that sounds exhausting... D:

jfc, that is insane... I'm so sorry sweetie.

Orz I give up for the rest of the week with her. Mostly because she's got a cold or something and I don't want that, lol