I want to be fed already so I can just take my fucking night meds and go to bed

and it would be really nice to be doted upon for my shoulder

but Ken's exhausted and nothing I do wakes him up for more than a minute

I can't do anything on my own computer because the monitor is fucked, I can't sleep because I'm stupid and had black tea earlier today and just in general can't get comfortable and manage to fall asleep

I'm so fucking hungry right now

but we've been spending a lot, but there are no dishes, and I'm too overwhelmed to do the dishes

I've mentioned being too overwhelmed to handle the dishes and got "it's ok, don't worry about them right now"

which is nice, but I need "it's ok, I'll get them"

and it's my right shoulder that's fucking painful right now, even typing hurts like fuck

so unless I want to deal with dropping things constantly, it's not gonna happen any time soon

it's not like we have meat out anyway, and Ken seems to hate the baked potato casserole that I like

or at least highly dislike it

oh, and within 24 hours of turning it on, the fan in the swamp cooler is busted.

so we're back to "area fans or roast"

...and my account on his laptop doesn't have access to installing irc

I really, really, really feel like crying and screaming and being spiteful and angry

and it's taking a huge amount of effort to... idk suffocate my bpd with a pillow full of rocks I guess

since there's nothing else I can do and I don't want to have a meltdown, and PLEASE NEIGHBOR FUCKING GO TO OBEDIENCE TRAINING WITH YOUR DOG

OR BETTER, DON'T MAKE A JACK RUSSELL TERRIER LIVE IN A ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT AND ONLY GO OUTSIDE ON A CHAIN

HE'S A WORKING DOG, HE'S BORED OUT OF HIS MIND, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO BARK AT ANYTHING REMOTELY INTERESTING

I hate feeling like this jesus christ

please wake up and figure out dinner with me

please dote on me and tell me my efforts at being normal and functional aren't in vain

please take care of me, my nerves are completely shot and now I'm crying

I entirely forgot about my therapy appointment today and then also forgot to text Sue and reschedule and then I only just remembered it and it's 7:30 pm and

I'm sweaty and I hurt and I can't do anything right

please make my mind and body stop, please just... make at least one or two things stop sucking so badly

for even a little while

until I can eat and sleep and figure out what to do with myself