ftr ruby is this person's and JT's four year old daughter

ironically JT is also the person who is currently under massive amounts of fire from TERFs re: roller derby. I knew that the stress of the situation (which has been going on for about a year) had caused them to make some poor choices and that it had affected their ability to see ruby but uuuhhhhhhhhh

I worry that this could be used as ammo against JT in the, er. terf war. but also. don't put pictures of your kids on hookup apps probably

esp if they are very very small

yikes yikes yikes

jess has been limiting contact between JT and ruby for a while bc JT is just... really not well, with the harassment situation and all contributing to currently unmedicated mental health issues that while left untreated aren't safe for a family situation, but also they keep making it worse for themself and acting out

and I'm reeeally trainwreck syndrome about this

but also kinda, idk, it calls into question how honest JT has been about a lot of stuff and how based in reality they currently are and that is... stressful

they've used me as a sounding board quite a bit in the past and still do from time to time but now I'm like, this particular judgment call has made me question whether or not I want to do that anymore

It's a little hard too with this obviously one-sided view of why this is bad when it might also be like, 'hey, I have a kid, you should know this before we start anything' since that's a dealbreaker for a lot of people even for just a hookup for some reason

and they might be using it for more than hookups and actual dating but who knows, not the poster and not me
Like malicious intent is a really small percentage of why people would use their kids as props in dating apps but who knows

that’s true!! I mean I’m not like super comfy with it but I definitely see both angles

based on what I know of both these people (who I’ve known/been relatively close with for over 10 years) I’m inclined to side with jess’ assessment of the appropriateness

from here knowing zip about anything it looks like something to hook onto, a real stretch for "oh man this person is BAD NEWS BEARS!!" unless it was like fetlife or something as opposed to like, Match.com® | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Per..., it's all about the audience or whatnot
But probably they should have been taken down when asked lmao.......... not helping

esp considering that she received strong backlash immediately, which is also something JT does when they’ve been caught doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing

wow thanks plurk

I think part of it is JT trying to be transparent, which is fair!! but I do know for a fact that it’s hookup apps, not like eharmony or whatever

thank you for no link lmao I mistAEKD

also they see themself as wwwwaaay more involved in ruby’s life than they are or have been for quite some time bc of the risk they posed (schizophrenia/hallucinations, medicating with weed but like. around the baby. literally tried to commit suicide in front of her once) to a healthy environment

amazing

so I think jess is also riled abt not only is her kid’s picture being put on hookup apps, but the other parent is trying to paint themself as a Family Man when they have made really poor parenting decisions in the past to the point where they had to reduce the contact they have with the child

she’s never been interested in like completely cutting off JT’s relationship with ruby, but this is just a really bad call on top of other really bad calls

JT’s not really able to care for themself properly and is acting out in all kinds of weird and irresponsible ways due to stress from TERFs and untreated everything, so even if their heart is ultimately in the right place this is still pretty YIKES-worthy

yeah see again just from the outside it absolutely makes sense to put a pic of you and your kid on any dating app (except again something kink-related like fetlife) because that's really important to people both being a parent and knowing a potential partner has kids
... y'know as basics ... lmao without the other stuff

Yeah I was going to say that as a total outsider that makes sense, for about the same reasons that Ello said, so this does kind of look to me like hyperfocusing on something that doesn't matter that much

but I also see what you mean about Previous Poor Decisions

and as the other parent I'd think Jess could have afforded to just TALK to them about it as opposed to blasting them on Facebook

like "I'm not comfortable hvaing photos of our daughter on [site/app]" but I guess this isn't one of those situations lmao

well jess mentioned in that post that she did say she wasn’t cool with it but JT got hostile when confronted about it and refused

since jess isn’t the type to really... make posts like this, I assume the confrontation was pretty bad

I def get where out of context this doesn’t look like a really big deal though