one of my coworkers died yesterday

the email from patricia came in at about 2am

I’m not really surprised since she was essentially braindead after an extremely severe stroke super super early on friday morning and was on life support and everything

it’s just, like

mmm

she was younger than me, just graduated college last year

she also hadn’t been with lumens a lot longer than me, she started a couple months before I did

I’m really terrible at grief and am not good at processing it but it’s also a thing where I feel like I don’t have any right to be upset

obviously we worked in the same small office and had a decent amount of interactions, but I never cultivated a friendship with her or anything like some others did

but all the same, she was one of those people who was always like, very genuinely warm and open with everyone so even if you didn’t know her well you’d be fond of her

she was a really nice person and this sucks

she left the office on wednesday afternoon with really bad migraine symptoms but it was actually blood clots in her brain

the condition she had is very rare bc of course it is but it’s one of those things that’s like, why does stuff like this happen to people

and really her family did everything right; her sister brought her to the ER wednesday night and they gave her medicine and sent her home, and then she was back at the hospital via ambulance the next day

they tried to get her taken care of as soon as something seemed off

I guess it doesn’t really matter

I wonder what the office will be like tomorrow

patricia said there’d be grief counselors on-site so that’s nice to know but it’s like

how do we just look at her desk with all her stuff still on it and know she’s not coming back

it’s just weird

I’ve had several people I know die suddenly but never anyone I actively interacted with or lived/worked in close proximity to

still hate the term “passed away” which isn’t my right really and I know it’s gentler but I hate it

anyway this is a lot and I wanted to go back to sleep but idk if I can