Although some of my friends really do deserve more and the best I can offer them is a bit of my time and a good word, would be nice to like, draw sth for everyone or send them a gift, stuff like these

but then I remember i also have friends I've been in a strained relationship with for some time and without resolving anything we sort of moved on and interact normally. And my biggest flaw is that of forgiving but not forgetting.

therefore when Miimii today got worried that she's leaving a bad impression on my friends my almost immediate reaction was that it doesn't matter. Why is it not important? Because these two once assumed that I have no issue with pursuing a different person when I was in a relationship but a guy that left a trauma big enough I'm still fixing what he ruined

And it wasn't even a cheating but me recognizing that I have feelings for someone else. And one of those two friends blamed on me her reluctance to go after her own crush. Well duh, sorry I didn't want anyone to get hurt when she wasn't sure but that besides the point.

The point is that for months I've dealt with some vague comments about my life decisionsfrom people who haven't done anything themselves or didn't have a full picture so when Mike got worried that she's leaving a bad impression on them my reaction was kinda "Who gives a damn about them" even though they are still my friends

But I just didn't forget how unfairly they treated me so immediate response is that this sort of a judgement would be unfair on a Mike, too. So she shouldn't worry about it. I don't think even I am truly liked by these two anyway lol

I guess it's my own fault to keep friends whose feelings I can't respect anymore but truthfully speaking, having a bad impression on Mike of all people is truly something lol

At this point I just wanna be good to people that are also good to me and can talk out the issues they have I suppose... Which I suppose is kinda selfish and I'm creating a comfort zone I don't wanna step out much from but ehh

I don't think I'm making much sense with this rambling, all wanted to do is to dwell over my trust issues, don't mind me