im on this acct because somehow being awake at this time stressed and feeling super alone makes me feel like an anxiety monster

so anxiety monster rambling about nothing into the void it is!!!!

poking twitter at this time also just fills me with stress and depression as the environment is fucking garbage

ive been thinking a lot about "everyone is on 3 websites now and we hate all of them" and it's just... aahhhhhhhhhhhh

in other news i feel like ive suddenly forgotten how to fucking drive

apparently xuexiao fandom has moved from hashtag fluff to hashtag knife

theoretically i could write for that....

Knife

Knife

wait why are you awake

good question

holds your hands anyways

good morning???????

good morning I woke up 3 hours ago

wh

wow

you take the miserable early bird crown today

are you going somewhere or did it just happen?

the power went out so I fell asleep at like 8

the power is back now

oh. mood.

i do that when the power is out too

welcome back to the world of daylight

... or like. artificial light.

electricity

the modern age

im very sleepy

definitely not daylight yet

shhhh

daylight doesnt exist in the winter so we have to conjure it via our belief

worship the sun

trying to come up with knife xuexiao but all i can think of right now is xy and jgy modern au phantom no arms

worship the sun

praise the sun

we dark souls now

just put xxc in modern au and then kill him

AND KILL HIM

wheezes

it's a sad song, it's a tragedy, but we sing it anyway

cause here's the thing... to know how it ends, and still to begin to sing it again, as it it might turn out this time...

my brain is literally only hadestown and TMA lately

景色🌾 ft. 气宇轩扬🎐 on Twitter

why is he like this

god i really just

only can consume and produce tragedy right now

i find it so hard to imagine xy in modern au though cause it's like how the fuck does this kid even survive without getting his ass immediately thrown into juvie

i also just know nothing about modern chinese culture so it's like.... hand... motions....

god i guess one thing about writing fic is i get really caught up in facts and details that probably wont even feature and then i overwhelm myself

that eye makeup tho

also mood.

literally no one would bat an eye at [nebulous modern au] as long as i dont have xy waving a US flag or something

that eye makeup tho

realistically in wheel xy and my should have been in an orphanage bc China’s population density but I put them in a group home because then it felt slightly less outlandish for them to be alone in the kitchen and also for knives to just be like, out in the open for anyone to use

suddenly assaulted by xy college student ---> xxc teacher

which is a level of consideration absolutely no one put into the setting except me.

LMFM

MOOD THO

xyvoice im gonna fuck my teacher

PLEASE

idefk if he would make it to college

GOD DO I LOVE TEACHERS

he's smart but also is a fucking criminal in all lives

jgy could drag his stupid ass to college i guess

if anyone can force xy to be a productive(?) member of society (?????)

it's jgy

and jgy being subject to xy talking about how much he wants to ruin xxc's entire fucking life also seems fitting

I at one point thought about a continuation of wheel where xy moves in with my only to eventually drop out of school and be incapable of holding down a normal fucking job so he becomes a camboy and my is literally pissed. absolutely livid. he would be less wound up over it if xy weren’t so fucking obnoxious about it, however

LMFMFMMMF

but I’m also like, this is so incredibly disconnected from the tone and content of wheel besides setting can it even be called a continuation

A CAMBOY OH MY GOD

PLEASE

JFC

I also think xy could actually be infuriatingly good at college but the problem of “who on earth would employ this man” remains

I guess xy has to become my’s nurse after all

the worst part is xy obviously picks up on it and then becomes even MORE insufferable about it, perpetuating the cycle

god

xy has the worst bedside manners do not employ him

xy is the nurse and my is the doctor and yet my just talks to all his patients himself

Minshan would have awful cs voice too

also actually dont put him in charge of patients at all because unless he feels VERY motivated to keep his job and keep jgy as a friend, which isnt impossible insomuch as it's difficult and unpredictable, he is absolutely the kind of soulless asshole that will do something awful with his position just for fun

when will Minshan come home

i really feel like xue yang is motivated predominantly by what he thinks is interesting so if he gets bored or spiteful suddenly shit goes bad

and he's smart but he has no common sense once he's pissed

like those fucking horror stories where nurses kill their patients and steal their money

i do think he's smart enough to not want to piss off my tho

but also like. just. waves hands to.

the whole entire xxc shit i guess

if he thinks he can get away with something...

anyways tldr this is an awful idea but i love it anyways

xy and my both still attending university but have side jobs that xy can’t keep bc they have no money so when xy starts doing camboy shit my can’t really complain (still passive aggressively complains)

then the next school year xxc is one of xy’s teachers

do you think xxc would try to intervene if he were to find put about xy's career....

i feel like he wouldnt shame him for it but... as a teacher... hm...

tho if he's still doing well in school it's probably fine but also it's. camboy.

I’m pretty sure that is DEFINITELY illegal in China

if they are even in China. in the US if this were highschool then xxc would be legally obligated to report it but I’m actually not sure how things go in uni when he’s a legal adult

wheeze

i COULD make him a highschooler but then i'll be eaten alive l m a o

then again 18 yo highschoolervoice "i'm an adult"

in China highschool goes one year older so I think that would work

i'm still convinced i would be eaten alive but honestly i'd be eaten alive regardless of whatever i do

(I looked this up for wheel and then realized it didn’t matter and I could get away with anything because I didn’t specify how many grades yao skipped)

LKMF

(on the flip side I don’t know if grade skipping works the same way in China. I think they do have early entry into college though and I didn’t SAY he skipped grades so maybe I’m still ok. no one has defied me.)

we're all too busy sobbing about xueyao

WAIT WILL XXC REMEMBER SHIT

ugh what if xxc starts remembering things gradually as he’s near xy more

oh my god

i didn't even decide if xy would remember shit

wait are we just melding this into wheel which i'm absolutely cool with but if we are how much did xy remember properly?

how much was he even aware was like... past memories

bc it reads like it bleeds together which is good and great and my aesthetic, but also it would inform how he treats xxc :|a

OH IT COULD ALSO BE SEPARATE

in wheel it was scrambled up because he just remembered his entire past life in one go and was still overloaded

i'm very cool with melding it into wheel cause i like extended universes--

also holy shit

if xy were a more jgy-like person he might be able to sort things out later and try and put his own memories in chronological order and shit but since he’s xy he’d probably just be like well that all just lives in my head now and just consider whatever feels relevant to be relevant at any given time regardless of whether it is or not,

reality isn't fucking real anyways yolo

but his surroundings are different enough and he’s generally functional ( “functional” ) enough that I don’t think he’d like talk about cultivation in present day

god i was thinking earlier i was like

squints does xue yang have an attention deficit disorder of some kind squints harder at him and his complete refusal to engage with anything that isn't immediately interesting to him

"""functional"""

anyways i mostly ask because uh [the singular most traumatic thing to ever happen to him in his entire previous life is suddenly right in front of him in teacher form] is gonna be a lot

if wwx and xy don’t both have add I’ll eat my new hat

god, right

they're both just so like this

REAL BIG "YOU'RE SO SMART, IF ONLY YOU'D JUST APPLY YOURSELF" ENERGY

nhs is also add

mdzs really coming out here with that gifted student representation

really just going for it

ive been trying to think who i am most like in mdzs and it's between like. minshan and jc and wwx and i don't like any of these options.

i basically just picked all the needy ones though so uh

slow awkward crabwalks out

AHAHA

WAIT IT MIGHT BE WEN NING BECAUSE I TOO AM A SOFT BABY ONLY BECAUSE I STUFF MY ANGER DOWN REALLY DEEP UNTIL SOME ASSHOLE PLAYS THE FLUTE BADLY AND I MCLOSE IT

su minshan 🧀 on Twitter

on the other hand this is a huge mood

Su Qionglin

this is just

double dogs

dog^2