I’m honestly kinda wondering/worrying if I’m being a hypochondriac and letting this all get to me... since we figured out I have sciatica, I’ve been having a lot of pain and issues that are ... well ... from sciatica.

Viewed more charitably I think I just kinda had a blind spot. I didn’t think sciatica was at all possible or involved--in fact when my rheumatologist said he wanted to do a nerve induction test I tried to refuse, insisting “you won’t find anything”

(mostly because if he did indeed find nothing he seemed to think that surgery would be taken off the table and I nearly blew a gasket, lol)

... and then we found something!

So maybe I just have a label now for stuff that was already happening.

It has helped me realize some things were going on that I didn’t really recognize as issues at the time, but now with this context I’m realizing, oh dear, we have an actual issue here

Primarily in that my right leg has actually been going numb. Not a lot! It kinda feels like when your foot falls asleep and you get that pins and needles feeling. Except in my case my leg definitely didn’t fall asleep, I wasn’t sitting in a way that could have caused that. So the tingling was definitely something else!

Plus, I’ve had my big toe on my right foot straight up go NUMB. At the time I just thought it was weird and didn’t think much of it but after the nerve induction test showed that the sciatica is on my right side... yeah, kinda thinking now there was a reason that happened.

I’ve also had shooting pains down my left leg. Shooting pains down your leg is a pretty big signal that sciatica is happening.

Man, I just hope we can deal with this before things get much worse.

And in the meantime... idk how I’m going to handle the pain but I’ll figure something out! I’m going to run out of painkillers really early this month. The pain has been so bad.

Any time I spend conscious is time I DONT want to spend on consciousness. lol

The pain has just gotten so bad... so bad... with no way of making it better

I want to scream I’m in so much pain... ugh... time for a hot bath at 6 AM I guess, see if it helps

I actually have a massage booked for today... I’m sure that seems insanely frivolous during a PANDEMIC but I’m actually really hoping it can ease a lot of my pain. A good deal of it is from my back muscles bunching up and clenching around painful areas.

If I can get my back muscles to just relax I may able to reduce my pain significantly, if only temporarily

So I’m just hoping that helps

Plus it’ll be a nice 90 minute excuse not to watch the news

I’ve genuinely contemplated trying to sleep through the whole day so that I can just check the results tonight and see what happened

i probably would do just that but I gotta drop off my ballot! I’m going to a drop off only location so I don’t deal with lines or people or ... potential terrorism?? Who knows, but I wouldn’t be shocked to see drumpf supporters actively trying to hurt people who are in line to vote

Ugh let’s not get into that here lol

Sleep, massage, a bath, and dropping off my ballot are literally my only to do list items at the moment.

i hope your massage and bath go well and helpe ease your pain a little bit ;;<3

helpe ...

ye olde helpe