We did a normal ass Lyme titer just to rule it out, the same basic one any person would do instead of the really intense ones we were doing a few years ago and

I have active Lyme disease. ACTIVE Lyme disease, RIGHT NOW.

My white blood cell count has been sky high and so has the inflammation in my body which was indicative of fighting off an infection and now we know why: because I have one

oh jesus pip

can you get a fucking break in life I'm so sorry

idk if you weren’t around since back in 2015 you won’t really know why this is incredibly traumatizing for me but I don’t want to get into the history of it now

idolhell: I honestly just kind of sank to the floor and started bawling my eyes out

This makes everything so much worse

We have to deal with the active Lyme and cure it before we can work on getting any remaining inflammation down with biologics (which are always needle pens you stab yourself with at varying frequency) and THEN we can do the surgery. Until we clear all this shit away it won’t be safe

I am hysterical. I called up poor vaulkner in tears. I don’t even know what to do anymore

why am I so fucking sick I just want to be NORMAL

On the phone mom kept stressing this was a good thing because we can treat it and I should feel much better when we do but I just

I can’t lol I have so many awful memories of 2015 I can’t fucking do this again

I’m just ... I’m gonna go eat some Xanax and go to sleep.

But uh ... if it wasn’t before it certainly is now. I’m going home. We can do as many next steps in Cali as possible but I have to go home.

God. Either I take oral antibiotics and spend weeks throwing up and nauseous or I get it intravenously and spend weeks having panic attacks. there’s no. good answer here.

... yeah. Xanax and sleep, peace ✌️

I'm so sorry pip, damn 8 (

oh jeez pip i’m so sorry.

i just want things to be okay for you

I can’t even pretend to take this well or graciously. I just want to cry and cry and cry

I don’t know how many people were here in 2015... I’ll do a quick breakdown

I was on IV medication for chronic Lyme disease for 9 months that year. I had a picc-line in my body that gave me constant panic attacks and I guess, idk body dysphoria is the only term I think fits? I dunno? feeling like my body isn’t mine or I’m not connected to it... maybe I was just dissociating really hard haha

I just ... there’s no good way to deal with this... suffice to say my experience in 2015 was pretty traumatizing for me... to hear I have active Lyme again...

Can’t wait to spend the next few months having constant panic attacks yayyyyyyyyy

oh, i am so so sorry to hear this. i have faith that you'll be able to get through it but it's not gonna be fun and i'm so sorry this is coming back up NOW of all times

Oh god Pip, I'm so sorry

crepusculae: RIGHT? That’s the part that’s insane. NOW? HOW? A positive basic Lyme titer... mom thinks I must have been bit by a tick but HOW? When... I can’t think of how that could have happened

Wikipedia crash course on Lyme for anyone unfamiliar. It’s a pretty serious ass disease in and of itself

oh jfc...

I'm so, so sorry

Me too, guys. Me too.

I’m so scared.

Lyme is like .... it probably sounds like a reach but it can be akin to chemo, in that the treatment can make you even sicker than the illness. If I have to take oral antibiotics I will be VERY sick

I actually want to do it IV in order to avoid destroying my stomach, but I also don’t want a picc line? I dunno what we’re gonna do. My rheumatologist was kinda freaked out and is treating it as urgent, he wants to talk to my Lyme doctor in 24 hours

Sciatica and Lyme disease... lots of revelations lately...

well i'm glad they're treating it urgently but UGHHH im so so sorry. i know that's not especially helpful but we're here for you

I’ll be honest I’m probably gonna be deeply suicidal for a few days I’ll be okay but I know myself enough to know where my heads gonna go

crepusculae: no no no, don’t say that... having yalls support means the world to me ... trust me, with situations this fucked up, just knowing people love me and support me is really helpful to keep me going

God, fuck, the medical bills are gonna be insane! Oh jeez

Oh jeez oh jeez okay that’s something to think about at some point

I know this is gonna be very hard to do, but worry about medical bills when you're securely safe

this is fucking awful and I wish it weren't happening to you

please take care of yourself as much as you can ;; <3

oh Jesus I'm so sorry, buddy.

If you need to talk. I will always listen.

Jesus pip i am so sorry. I remember 2015 and i hate you have to take that into consideration again. We love you and we’re here for you

thank you so much guys... it really means a lot to me to hear all of this, more than you know

Just knowing I have friends who’d go to bat for me is a relief in and of itself, I promise

oh no.

one day at a time, I am glad you have doctors who are taking you seriously.

Hey guys. I’ve got some updates that are actually positive so anyone who was worried, please check it out! We’ve made PROGRESS.