Its all been finally hitting me the past two months and I have gone from the bottled up numb feeling to just being lost and angry. It does not help that my anti depressants are not working as well as they used to.

And because I was keeping things bottled up for so long I did not realize it.

My doctor is researching other tmeds for me but its difficult because im very sensitive to medications.

meds*

And me bottling up means me withdrawing from people. And I want to reach out to people but I dont know how and I am scared I will be rejected.

I am sorry you're having a tough time. I can imagine that the sheer insanity of being back to mass hospitalization after all your work of the past 18 months must also be trying.

CajsaLilliehook: Thankfully my position is work from home answering the phone but just hearing about everything the doctors are going through and how some of them have gotten Covid.

Oh and my brother refuses to wear a mask now that he is vaccinated and keeps going to big conventions and the bar every night. He also lives with my sister and I see her a lot.

Must be damned hard for you there in particular. I'm glad to hear from you and understand how difficult it is. Our brains adjust so well and quickly to terrible times that we don't give them time to actually DEAL with the reality of it, it all gets glazed over until you actually think about how badly it's affecting you, then it's like a wake-up crash.

I hope you can readjust some meds, and get to a better place in your head about all this, and feel better. Have you been creating much? Or not able to go there yet.