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dsfdf dreamwidth is down so im doing this until it lets me get back to AC

what shin thinks of helena!
friemd.... honestly at this point helena is someone shin truly and deeply trusts, even after events in yogen have shaken his progress in this area recently, which is no easy feat and why i'm putting popcorn in my mouth about the "bear attack"

he admires her strength, honestly.... he's also learnt through her and sara that there's more to that underneath... he's still got a lot of that tentativeness of like. not wanting to hurt her + his own knowledge of him being prone to fucking up but i think at this point he's more comfortable pushing against her?

even if he'll back down p quick it's things like arguing about subaru and being like 'try again' about her story, bc he knows she'll push back and kind of... part of his trust is he knows he can trust her to be like 'hey. stop.' and he listens to that

there's that sort of progression of like... they're sort of feeling out each other's boundaries and getting more at ease about them

on the other hand i think shin might have gotten a little TOO used to people who know his bullshit and can and will call him out on it bc looks at rantaro thread yeah

he cares her immensely... he doesn't always know how to help but he Tries... but also i think they're at the point of CR where they'd make a really good tag team if they ever did a plan together, you know, heist style on the fly stuff

shin still has that streak of like. 'i don't know if you have good taste in friends (self included)' but it's gotten quieter and quieter bc she's shown to be able to handle herself.... even as he's conflicted bc just because she can doesn't mean she should.... but also he knows to an extent of her being kept in a gilded cage so he doesn't want to step

into those waters either, esp since as time goes on he really has com to see them as equals

*come

which is cool and interesting bc that's new territory for him, bc he hasn't really ever had a CR dynamic that's mostly level in terms of power... occasionally drinks and chats with a coworker aside, he has to create new charts for it

i think, in the small molten ball where he keeps all of his anger in the core of him, there's some that's on helena's behalf

he also very much sees her as someone who has strong ideals and puts her money where her mouth is on them.
and he likes hanging out with her

moonjelly

okay dw is back, back to it for now

oh yeah a belated thought which is i think shin and helena CR is now where there's not a lot he's actively keeping secret so much as 'does not occur to him to tell' territory im wheezing

what shin thinks of Nene!
not a lot has changed here, leetle sistor he cares very much although she might be getting the splash damage of shin's growing issues on people he's gotten attached to disappearing or committing possible suicide so please don't do that nene, he's going to be like. sort of emotionally hovering maybe even a bit more than usual

at this point it's like. taken as read nene is the sort to push herself too hard on behalf of others and that's a warning sign as well... so many of shin's friends are Like This... it's a concern
now that he's interacted with noah more he's a lot less squinting at their CR possibly... not that this has manifested as such

as for sidney on his dadly holiday... i like to think shin hangs out with him still bc sidney just is like a zone of badly needed chill... like a capybara you know. sturdy, dependable.... shin's suspecting there's probably stuff underneath that given all the other sturdy dependable people he knows but you know... he won't pry.

amity_rose

what shin thinks of ranger!
crying i have the perfect meme

that's it, that's him, i don't care if ranger does something stupid (cares anyway)

like a lot of his CR this care is somewhat ineffectual, but it's there.... he got attached without really realising about it... again....

he's still been picking at that little dream program and refining it even despite the current sort of like. our friends and our friends are not friends, also they're planning to take over the entire yogen (shin feeling) thing except it's more just shin flouncing and then cooling down, as he does

in terms of asunaro shin's def pivoted more to seeing ranger as someone caught up in the machinery of it..... he's like i am looking away i do not see it about extending this empathy to anyone else though. maybe to maple. there's that self recognition through the other (derogatory) which gets into shin's own complicated feelings about himself, sorry ranger

apart from all that mess on his own.... there's a reason when shin is hurt ranger is the one he seeks to go to, there's a measure of trust there,

in the sense that like. shin's picked up that ranger is very straightforward, and also it's worked out before... ranger doesn't really try to get in anyone's good graces and i think that's a relief to 'if people are friendly to me warning bells go off in my head' shin

so he's trying to keep things at the trading things level bc he knows it's what's worked before even though it's a lot messier than that, shin

esp since uh. that whole telling komaeda to kimi ga shine thing...... shin's kind of forgotten about that emotionally but i bet ranger hasn't

he's also very concerned about ranger's state... it's in tag limbo but he WILL help out with repair... but yeah there's a comforting amount of 'what you see is what you get' with ranger

like with helena his concerns are about what people could learn through him.... unlike with helena this has only intensified
tl;dr ranger is a loser but so is he (ranger has much better code tho) but yeah i think shin has a tendency to focus more on the code side of things and overlook the emotional wellbeing of it, this is why he and inaba were the team

pfle

what's fun to me is that despite kicking up a fuss at it at the time, shin has kind of internalised a little of that 'if you wanted to change it you should have tried harder' from the ranger meeting which hoo boy interesting to see if anything comes of that

i'll get clamor in his retirement out of the way early in that shin probably absolutely does still pester him with magic questions, it's this neat background mentorship where like. said mentor is not manipulating him for funsies/insert reason here this time around

he continues to think clamor is pretty cool and an amazing wizard :' )

as for what shin thinks of add! shin is a little scared of add. he saw what you turned komaeda's arm into... what is this weirdly powerful mad scientist twelve year old capable of...

i'm just now realising that the murder scene might be shin's first time seeing Tall Add which is hilarious to me. Even hilariouser is if he didn't even see that particular body at all, just the dust pile. nobody tell him

that said like. even though they haven't had formal interaction as the current two most senior club members they probably have a fairly comfortable professional groove worked out by now...

shin knows how persnickety add gets about tool placement and about his pink dust and add knows which corner of the workshop is 'shin's' it's like two cats in the same room not interacting with each other, they're vibin

there's some wistful envy but it's like the normal kind shin gets about ppl (apparently) younger than him who are cooler/more skilled than him... i feel like smth that's happened is shin asking an advice about magitech bc he assumed that's add's deal and getting an earful that has made him reluctant to ask q's of add since

i think shin has def been like 'this guy's chuuni as hell' <--- is also chuuni as hell but like. when yogen is already this weird...

ultimately he's still on what you see is what you get with add... he probably has him in a similar mental bucket as senku as well

as for dynamo!! dynamo is hitting right in shin's soft spot..... he'd been seeing them as kind of an extension of add previously but also.... they're so sad and beat up and he has a fondness for cute things.

this hasn't manifested much bc dynamo's being taken good care of, and also he got a bit focused on the evidence in the meeting but he will tentatively pet them at some point, i'm determined.

BlueFlewFedUQueen

tentatively pet them and then get zapped, inevitably

i'm gonna start with komaeda bc that's marginally easier hoo boy
you know that saying abt war being long periods of boredom interspersed with short periods of terrifying? i feel that's the vibe.

there'll be like. a stretch of time when shin starts to like... not like komaeda, but start to like... be comfortable in? tolerate his presence? and then smth happens that makes shin be like oh yeah this is why i don't like this guy at all and am scared of him and then kick himself for it and then the cycle will repeat

most recently: sort of getting comfortable shopkeeping with him and then komaeda being Very Threatening about him punching amami rip shin

i think about their pre yogen CR and it kills me bc like. there's some real meat there but also.... looks at shin yeah he's. he's a skittish lad. every time i think about the xmas post it notes i cry. we could have had it alllll rolling in the deeeeeep maybe there'll be a chance to do smth with that at some point

shin absolutely still thinks of komaeda as midori lite but the key word there now that midori's actually arrived is 'lite' bc if he had to choose who to be locked in a room with for an hour it'd be no contest.

at this point after all these months komaeda is, if not safe just.... you know what you get with him? there's history but it's a kind of history that isn't as wounding. this is also why when he warns ppl about ppl it's usually midori now, komaeda and dito are like. scary as hell but. not as insidious. they're missing stairs

shin def isn't fond of his habit of baiting ppl into attacking him in meetings but assumes the reason is to cause chaos for fun/get people to put themselves in harms way defending him and im like. oh shin. shin pls.

finally there's the complicated feelings brought up by komaeda being in a koma bc as much as shin hisses and spits and has thought of dropping him into the void like... it's very different thing altogether when someone actually (almost) dies,

esp someone who you do have good memories with complicating it, and he was def fretting a little and then being like fretting? me? noooooo

there was like 0.5 second of a relief on seeing komaeda awake before he could stop it (esp since shin's been losing a lot of people lately) and then he kabedon'd him with his robot arm or smth and shin was like 'feeling is gone, goodbye'. these two really are an ongoing tragedy i swear

i also think seeing komaeda's literal perspective in the dreamscape has probs done smth but i need to continue that thread gomen.... but he at least gets a little more of what komaeda means by hope now, at least in the sense of the allure of it,

even as he doesn't trust it and is absolutely projecting his own feelings and experiences onto it. but he can't fully dismiss it as a self-serving idea either now - it's something very real to komaeda

we have to thread the kabedon it's so important to me to know if shin gets his tazer off or not but yes they're very on and off I'm crying shin should know komaedas protective of his ultimates they're like how he copes with living!!

yisssss once i am free of AC hell lets get the ball rolling

there are gonna be many dice rolled i feel it

dsfdgfsfd it's one thing to hear komaeda go on and on about them and another to almost be stabbed over them, i will say

God did he not see subaru get stabbed bc he spoke rude to amami I'm crying yeah komaeda is such a freak about them bc he hypes them up as people who can help, not people who should be hated, if shin was gunna punch he should have punched komaeda!!!

"he was in a coma" could have visited him on his coma bed

ssdfdgs i'm trying to remember when that was, it was one of the feb murder meetins right?
i feel like he wasn't paying attention to the conversation and so it was a bit komaeda stabbing subaru out of nowhere that's my excuse for 'i forgot about that'

SFDGFDGFDFDS listen i do want him to visit on the coma bed,,,, i want smth cute, so the monomachine likes don't go to waste, if you're down
shin just havin a little amnesia in there it's fine

*down to backdate

that said that plot did sort of become an orphan i can't remember which month we planned to do it, so it can stay in the files also

god tho i'm lying on the floor about 'you should have punched me instead' komaeda....

OH YEAH that fine we can do some backdate-ish/ slow ish, just gotta check in with bunny to see if ranger is stable enough (me attempting at rolling him a nat 20 so he's doing OK and we'd never know he's gunna kill us in the near future)

STOPP IF UR GUNNA HIT ANYONE... komaeda I'd the punching bag he does not mind it!!!

yisssss that sounds like a plan! crying at the concept of ranger going to kill komaeda and being like. what's this doing here. turfs shin out of the coffin anyway

crying that would probably really disturb shin and i love it
i'm hoping this comes up so shin can be like what 4D chess is this

okay but Midori though! It's Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it. There's so much shrapnel from their past lying around... Shin's had time to process some of it, but not all.

I could talk about his fears concerning midori and the sense shin has that they're basically in a weird tug of war game of go with regards to the people here (shin is not doing well, despite komaeda's training komaeda must be so disappointed, it's all about the atari tsukimi-kun)

but this is what shin thinks ABOUT midori, and i think a big part of shin's fear is that he... doesn't get him
like he gets him, in fact he's the one in the cast who most does with keiji coming second, but he doesn't get him, emotionally, they're very similar people in a lot of surface ways but under the hood they're, well, night and day

shin learnt a lot at midori's place but there's depths he never peered into.... and the midori who works at asunaro is one of them.
he sees midori as a peerless manipulator, as someone who can reach into your head and take your thoughts or change them around, as someone awesome in the old sense of evoking both awe and fear

and learning he fears death was one crack in that pedestal but it's def not as corroded as the one he had sara on
shin also like. isn't sure if midori COULDN'T bring him back into the fold bc of a combination of that pedestal and shin's own shaky sense of himself he has to back catalogue from his own actions, and that scares him because... he did miss midori

and he feels like he's going insane like cassandra when people don't seem to see it, despite knowing he didn't either
and, and i'm also like 'oh shin' about it, that means he feels like he's the only person who can do anything about it, even as he doesn't know what he CAN do....

kills me bc about december he was starting to really be like. yeah he was kind of ridiculous now that i think about it... have a little bit more of that perspective of time and processing.... the dart throwing at the portrait was good for him actually.... midori showing up in the flesh kind of tipped that tentative cartilage over before it could become bone

i think time is going to sand the edge off, partly just because it's physiologically impossible for someone to live at that high level of stress before their body starts smacking the on the head like 'we're shutting this down for maintenance about it' but he's going to see that as slipping and i'm crying

there's also the fact that with the recent thing with helena he's gonna open the door juuust a crack. like a tiny smidgen. like about wide enough to fit a testing of the air like a snake tongue through even though all of him is screaming not to

the main thing he's clinging to is that it's not just him at risk, but people he cares about.
asfdg this drifted a bit but... it's all kind of part of the soup

and i think it still says a lot that shin still clings to the name, even as he's not wearing the scarf anymore. it's been loosening but it's still something he's stitched into himself as a source of strength even as he hates it

sakasaki

HELP yeah yknow what, shin asked add about his "magic" once and got a 1hr lecture about how magic sucks and has nothing to do with his crystal-powered robots and this is why they dont talk much

dynamo is also club helper tho so i hope shin appreciates them for fetching stuff from across the room

im crying shin likes listening to people go on about things people are passionate about but this was his limit rip
yes!! he does appreciate them. good dynamo, best helper