tbh her time at erku was traumatizing for her on several levels and after that it was weirdly hard to separate what had happened from her; i guess bc the muse itself was a little tender
you would think it'd be a blank slate!! but i think it was just that SO MANY traumatic things happened and then didn't...really get resolved that the muse itself was like "um, what the whole fuck"
no I just don’t think it was anyone’s specific intention to cause harm to her and it definitely wasn’t anyone’s intention to like, traumatize me out of playing her