For those that don't know, Pana decompensated overnight yesterday and ended up in the Neuro ICU.

Her husband called me. She's in the process of dying.

I'm so numb. I wouldn't be here on plurk without Pana

I wouldn't know what fandom was without her

I did all of my RP over the years with her

I’m so sorry to hear that

I love her dearly

We dated for a year and a half

And I broke it off because I felt like a shit partner when I had to dedicate so much time to studying for high stakes exams

And then I let my anxiety get the best of me and thought she was mad at me about me being such a shit partner

And so I didn't talk to her as much

I have so many regrets about that

I never stopped loving her

And I'm putting this up now because I'm a wimp who couldn't do this when she could still hear me

I went back to Jersey to visit my folks and we went to the diner Pana and I used to frequent at 2 in the morning with our laptops to RP at each other across the table

With our chai lattes

It's so ironic that just recently Monster and Mononoke went up on Netflix. She showed me both of them and played characters from both

I have things in my house that remind me of her that she gave me or made me

I hate this so much. Why her?????

I think today is going to be the Dreaded Day and I can't help but think she'd find it funny that she couldn't even go on Greek orthodox easter

I've been following this as closely as possible without being invasive and aside from thinking about Pana specifically, I've also been thinking of you and others in her closer circle one way or another throughout this. I don't even know what to say in all this, it's awful. I'm sorry.

kralkatorrik: thank you. It's been just absolutely whirlwind

I'm so grateful to Sean for having me involved from the beginning of this whole mess

And I hate that what's happening is happening to Pana-- they're things I understand too well from my life of work and it's. Devastating

I'm also so so so angry at some things that have happened along the way

Like that absolute fucking DIPSHIT of a neurologist

There's others but

Idek

I need to go out there I just. Want to time it so I'm minimally interfering

I was going to say you're uniquely positioned in all of this I can only imagine how that impacts, but also understand the want to be there with assistance not hindrance. It's so much and so tricky for all of you in different and complex ways

I do this so often with patients and I suppose this is my comeuppance

You do everything you can for your patients, it's just plain unrelated awfulness

I'm keeping you all closely in my thoughts and hoping for I-don't-know-what

Thank you. I'm so worried for Sean

He lives and breathes for Pana

this feels like a nightmare

It is. It's the worst possible timeline

I haven't stopped crying since yesterday basically

Oh god, Leah, I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry Leah

oh fuck

Oh my god... I'm so sorry for you, and pana and Sean, this is just the most awful thing

oh fuck I’m so sorry

I never met her in person but I've known her online for years and years, since the LJ days. God this is fucking horrible. I wouldn't know she'd taken a turn for the worse if you hadn't said so. My heart goes out to you, her, and her loved ones. I wish text was better at conveying emotion.

What?! I thought she was being released? Omg

I’m so sorry

She's gone y'all

Thank you for sharing with us. I'm so, so sorry

jesus fuck I’m so so so sorry, this doesn’t feel real

god I don't even know how to process this, I'm sorry and I'll really miss her

I'm so so sorry leah

I'm stunned, I don't even know what to say beyond that

I am so sorry. Oh dear lord

My panaki

I'm wearing a protection necklace she gifted me when we were together

I used paints made out of the same stones and painted her an evil eye painting so she had the same protection

All these things she gifted me over the years are just. Around. And I love them and hate them right now

I’m so sorry I can’t believe she’s actually gone

I can't either

Please take care of yourself and I know it’s not easy to not feel guilty but don’t be too hard on yourself ❤️

I'm sorry. this is terrible and I know words aren't enough right now

i’m so sorry leah

Thanks y'all

I'm starting to reminisce and just. So much media that I consumed over the years is because of her

God I remember when we shrieked at the end of The Jinx

I think it was me, Pana, Eleni and their mom

Also her cackling with glee when we watched the episode of breaking bad "face off"

Poor Pana knew me in my republican phase early on Jesus christ

oh my god

I still have all the playlists Pana built for me over the years

ronan + gansey 5ever

God we had so much fun playing across each other always

that’s how you know you have a good friend, when they stick with you after your Republican phase

ghoulsonfilm: TRULY

I'm so sorry

I'm just in my feelings watching breaking bad

I think I might like to get a tattoo in her honor

I just can't even fathom what yet

Fuck. I miss her so fucking much while watching this

I'm looking back at our chat over the past 3 weeks and I just. I'm so angry. I treat kids and babies with CSVT all the time

Why couldn't it work for Pana? It's usually so easy

She got me into a ton of different fandoms too due to her impeccable taste. And playlists, too. I'm glad she and Sean had you for all this and that Sean has you now.

I found this and burst into tears all over again

What a fucking cosmic joke. Pana never ended up seeing me get out of medical training

i'm so sorry

oh Leah. she'll still see it. just differently

She introduced me to some of my favorite musicians and music tracks, like FrontierHolly Herndon - Frontier (Official Audio)
She knew stuff that I would never have encountered on my own

PsiYamaneko: that's just how she was man. Off beat as hell. knew so much about music and shit idk