I have to go to work tomorrow and how am I going to function when I'm still tearing up at random times

I have to do some preparation today

anyway this will be fun. just gotta I guess....map out places to cry

is it worth mentioning to anyone that you just experienced a monumental loss and are still grieving?

they Know

I was given all of last week off

there's that at least, but going back to work feels impossible in the face of it all

they cancelled a presentation I was supposed to do

they've been incredibly understanding so far

I've emailed to see if I could have the day of her funeral off

I know it's asking a lot but

I already said I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least ask

the problem is that the funeral is on literally the worst day for my department

I usually have a presentation of some sort or other to give 3/4 Wednesdays a month

oh no

I'm in academic medicine. it's a big ask.

but I did jt

and I've already made peace with the fact that the presentation is happening around the time the funeral starts and well

if I burst out crying during the presentation, they can all deal with it

and be uncomfortable

i feel you, i'll be in a gnarly trial wednesday and idk how i'll manage

ah. forgot about my psych meds all week. this is fun.

also having a Moment realizing people think of me?

it's a weird thing to realize that I just. make an impression on people enough for them to think of me when I'm not immediately in their vicinity

if they want you to give that presentation on the day of a dear friend's funeral, they're gonna have to deal with you in whatever state you are in.

I feel the same about my show tho; I'm trying hard to be present and do this play but it's about death in a way that... is hard rn

oh no forgetting the psych meds is ouch
But hopefully you can attend the funeral

I have definitely talked about you in passing throughout the years to people. Just memories, or things like that.

Random reminiscing and such. For sure you've left an impression