BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SLOW AND PRETTY FLAKY LATELY, and I think I would rather people up front

*be up front with people??

Not sure what sentence I was writing up there but i dont have a plurk coin so i can't fix it

I'm actually not feeling too bad about things, so I feel like this is me talking about some generally problems and struggles, but it's not actually very negative, if that makes sense?

I've been having some general game struggles for a long time, but I want everyone to know on the POSITIVE side of things, everyone here has been SUPER nice, and I really enjoy the CR that I have and have built over the past several months, sincerely :>

I had a lot of personal stuff going on that really tanked my RP between like, April and July but I've been coming into August with a renewed sense of "let's put our BEST foot forward and dive in, pull commitment!" Which has been like, going PRETTY well!

Mainly in the realm of like, actually making plans, actually top levelling, actually doing a SEARCH REQUEST? All things that help contribute to like, feeling like I'm involving myself!

I've DEFINITELY still been on the slower side, but i think as I wrap up my outstanding older threads, it will help!! Having threads from two missions back often is a weird mental strain for me

Now onto the like....struggles or lightly negative things

The game has slowed down A LOT. That's not an inherently bad thing or anything like that, but i think like, pretending it's not true isn't doing any favors!!

For me, that does make it harder to engage, this is something I've ALWAYS known about myself in an RP context! I like a fast paced game, the excitement and momentum is very beneficial!

RP is also a primarily a social hobby for me! Like, it's a creative outlet, but like, that's not the main reason I do it! I work from home so it's kind of a nice shared social activity for me!

But I have, for reasons that are NO ONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY, not really been feeling as much of the social connection! Part of that is the game has slowed down, we're all busy adults these days! I'm not on plurk nonstop and a lot of socializing in the DW spheres has moved to private chats on discord!

you should do tag plurks again and start pinging people and discussing your threads more!

i remember when you were doing that more actively, i think it helped you feel more engaged

I do! But yeah, I can try and do them more.

you don't as much as you used to, is all i mean

(ALSO THE ABOVE THINGS ARE ALL TOTALLY OKAY THINGS, I WAS GOING TO MENTION!!! NO CRITICISM, JUST OBSERVING!)

Again, I'm trying to be super like, clear that this isn't stuff I'm putting on ANYONE ELSE, and purely like, what do I want out of an RP experience, from a purely Sam perspective

I'm still having fun in the game, but it is admittedly starting to feel a little playing chess via the mail

AND I LIKE CHESS SKGHLG

The metaphor referring more to the like, a fun game being played in a relatively remote way

And when you're in it about 80% for the friends you make along the way

That starts to feel like maybe you're spending your time wrong!

I want to know that everything I spend my hobby time doing is bringing joy!

I'm aware this sounds super negative, there's really no way to discuss it without it getting like that, but i promise ITS JUST KIND OF ME ASSESSING THINGS

My current plan is to TRY HARDEST FOR THIS MISSION, and then like, assess at the end of it

Am i enjoying myself creatively?
Am I feeling socially fulfilled?

And we'll see from there!! I definitely didn't think it was fair to myself or the game to drop without putting in a REALLY GOOD effort! Because the several months before this i was REALLY absent overall, so that didn't seem lilke a good assessment

/touches

u3u

yeah I... feel this to en extent
I'm also not very chatty recently for reasons so I know I'm not helping the very situation I'm causing a tiny bit myself lmao!

and I know it's a mental strain on you so we can move it to something more present if yoh wanted but also,
did you still want to do our semi crusty plans I had a tl up for you for in general

I crashed out for awhile BUT IM BACK

gaignun: FRIEND, do not worry a second about it....like, we really are all busy adults with so much on our plates and lives that are not on the internet. But it IS fun to be here, and I do liek this hobby and i DO still have your TL open in my TO DO tags so I'm still gonna hit that!!!

I've sorry I've been a mega flake lately, it's a process

Tying to work on my own systems to make things easier to be on top of!

ADHD stuff makes me so bad at keeping track of TIME specifically

I'm going to buy myself a calendar soon and maybe try and be more scheduled with my RP time? Like maybe it will actually help if i have more of a habitual period where I'm tagging....like not EXCLUSIVELY but something regular

This isn't really specifically to do with the game, but I am a WFM artist so mostly my hours are my own, and the past year in particular I've been REALLY bad as setting schedules for myself. So basically ANY time of day could be a work hour OR a chores hour OR a hobbies hour and it means i dont do enough of anything because of the lack of structure

I've been working with my agent, actually, on a more structured schedule and I'm going to try and ALSO incorporate my hobbies and fun time stuff into that too

As I'm sure some of you know, another fun ADHD brain curse is functioning a lot better with more rigorous schedules but also being naturally SO adverse to them

So when you have to set your OWN schedule, it's a disaster

But i am working on it.

I like you guys very much and i enjoy this little low stakes creative hobby so i want to fit it into my life in a way that is satisfying and fun!

Aside from it being a nice social outlet for the long stretches at home, I was telling Em recently that for a professional creative person, it's actually really nice to have a creative hobby that is very out of the public eye and literally just for you (and the people you're writing with)

YES!!!! This is such a valid truth

IT'S ALL GOOD I just get Worried about things too easily
double edged social anythign blades