WELL WELL WELL here we are again

I apped in my I also was working today and simultaneously got my ass kicked by day 1 cramps so bear with with me while I get to the OOC meme and all that stuff

IVE BASICALLY BEEN ON A HUGE SABBATICAL FROM......THE INTERNET?

tbh a lot of hard family stuff happened back a couple months ago among other things that kind of kicked up some depression/social isolation and I just kind of drifted away from being as online

We also went on a big ass vacation to Mexico which I've BARELY talked about, but was truly wonderful and really helpful for me getting out of my head for a bit

I've been focusing VERY heavily on work too

My sister's wedding is in a couple weeks, and I have to be in it, and I have pretty strongly negative feelings about the whole thing (they've broken up/postponed the wedding several times, been dating since high school and also her fiance is a joyless right wing corrections officer )

But what can you do!!

i'm glad to see you 'round these parts again GRIPS YOUR HANDS

meanwhile I'm getting super burnt out on my weekend job, but I kind of feel like I'm in a place where I can't leave it, or even switch days because the weekends are the best money for working so little. The owners just kind of suck a lot and also I'm tired of working every weekend (which is when everyone else I know has ofd including Em)

simpledog: THANK YOU. I'm doing a little negative dumping in here, but I'm actually very glad to be back and excited to hear from you all again :3

I also have kind of complicated feelings about my job, because I really like my coworkers a lot but I also feel like I dont quite fit in with them and it sometimes makes me! A little sad!!

NO MAN negative dumping is important to get it all out, like a cramp in your hams

millenial working with mostly gen z problems u_u

But also likewise, I'm so happy to see you guys come back for the last big hurrah!

I WAS VERY ON THE FENCE ABOUT WHETHER I HAVE TIME FOR RP BUT I REALLY WANTED TO COME BACK FOR THE END!!! I will go into that more though

this will circle around to postive, because I feel like right NOW I'm in a pretty good place

but boy it's been ROUGH

(ME BEING HAPPY TO SEE YOU)

I've mentioned before that last year I was having a really big ART CRISIS mostly related to world news and kind of existential anxiety about like.....being an artist in. this world.

I was PROBABLY USING HUGE AMOUNTS OF RP TO DISTRACT FROM THAT

and also like, recover. it wasnt all bad, but I was definitely being avoidant and it really hurt my work and productivity

YOU WENT THROUGH HELL, I WENT THROUGH HELL

WE BOTH NEEDED THE BREAK

art is always going to involve high productivity periods and lower ones. I like to subscribe to the school of thought that low productivity periods are like, root growing time. accumulating and processing experiences and emotions that can then be used in actual creative output

Thank you Mexico

Mexico was really important

just, getting to a physically new space, going to museums, meeting and talking to new people

so like, I have had to contend with the fact that I lost like. 8 months of work to just, depression, I managed my time bad. Shit happens. I moved to a new city, changed careers and was working on the biggest project of my life as a full time artist for the first time ever

realistically, if everything had been perfect, I would have been DONE with my book by now and it would be in my publishers hands for a 2024 release

Obviously that didnt happen, which is okay....my editor and agent were super supportive, the dates are flexible and we pushed the whole thing back a year

which is a BUMMER, in the sense that I could have been done by now

But life isnt perfect, and that's okay. we had a lot of good talks, my agent and I

they helped me set up some healthier boundaries with the news and social media and also practical strategies for working with ADHD

I'm honestly so lucky to have my agent

they're so understanding, so experienced with the complexities of working in the creative fields and how different it is than a lot of jobs

So the GOOD NEWS, is despite the huge delay, I'm in a great place with working on my book. progress has been good, Em has been helping work out some coloring and lettering strategies that are going to really help speed that stage up!!

You have been doing SO GOOD

I'm trying to be generous and gentle with myself in figuring out this whole process: comics are a tedious, long, pretty lonely process for the majority of the work. hopefully I am learning from these mistakes so that future projects will be less messy!!

It warms my heart every time I glimpse you working on it

Your new inking strategy is pretty great

as someone working on a comic rn and have off and on forever, they are one of the most time-consuming and tricky things to create, I feel you 10000%

the past month I've been going back on like.....twitter which is kind of terrible, its basically a shitshow there, but it's my only professional lifeline too

simpledog: it sure is!!! no one can know how hard that shit is until doing it, especially long projects!! its LABOR intensive, physically and emotionally

ABSOLUTELY. People don't realize how much even just trying to make sure the narrative/action flows can take out of you!! Let alone making sure a character looks right panel to panel... or that every background piece is accurate... But even if it's pushed back, it's so super cool that you're pushing through and getting through your workload!!!!

I've been having a bit of crisis of faith about my own artistic vision recently, but at the advice of some comics friends, I'm going to try this year to attend a few smaller, more local comic & zine festivals

cons and festivals are a HUGE part of the physical community of comics, and I started working seriously, when the pandemic started and cons were cancelled. so they've only recently started to come back and I think going to a few, being able to talk to people and see other peoples work will do a lot for me not feeling so isolated

Absolutely, you should! I've had a lot of really nice interactions and conversations in an artist alley. And panels are super cool too!! Just being face to face with fellow artists who Get It is so so nice

my very ambitious goal for 2024 is to make 12 zines or mini comics. there are no rules, the quality and reproducibility are unimportant. I just want to experiment without any pressure and make a bunch of stuff!

The past couple years of more visible art making online have made me get kind of in my head about like, marketability and polish and that has kind of shackled me into not doing anywhere near as much or being as experimental

which feels kind of bad! I dont like it

so, 2024 is a year of just. making stuff, with little concern about WHAT I'm making. And seeing what happens

the many pots theory etc etc

IVE HAD A PRETTY LOW SELF ESTEEM PERIOD WRT ART RECENTLY

but what's been helping is just making more stuff.

I got myself some paper, glue a stapler. stuff for making physical zines LMAO

SO

that's mostly the state of Sam

It’s a good state and I’m very excited to see your zines

safelybeds: I have a huge list of ideas I keep adding to....most of them will probably suck but hopefully some will be good

As long as I get to see them all

I'm really subscribing to the classic idea of zines, which is that there are No Rules and "quality" is not really important nor objective

Zines are kind of the rawest, purest form of comics

and I feel like going back to those roots, the idea that ANYTHING can be a comic, that anyone can make a comic and that a zine can be about anything, made of anything and isnt valued off its ability to turn a profit

is going to be very good and healthy for me

I HAVE OTHER THOGUHTS BUT THIS IS RAMBLING ENOUGH

Coming back to Xim is a little tricky because I've been pretty busy lately!!! but I've been a bit better at using my time

and I really have missed it, and the people in it!!

I always intended to come back for the end....I think I needed to take the time off to get my life in order