aka i woke up bc of the pain (and tofu wanting to sleep on the arm with the new PICC)

checked my lap results and the infection i've been battling lately is likely going to clear up soon

*lab results

and we're going to be stopping the chemo in a couple of weeks, so that'll be nice bc i'm not fond of two 5 hour sessions every week

so far minimal hair loss, but radiation is where i'm hoping it won't totally cause it to fall out. still hoping it'll be like last time: minimal, even if it gets really damaged

also in other good news: likely going to avoid another craniotomy!

prognosis has still remained good, so we're going to revisit it after radiation, see where we're at unless shit gets real super suddenly

(for those just now tuning in: been battling with brain cancer)

i think today is gonna be an IV nutrition day. i really overdid it last night. but it was a good night, so i don't regret it that much

ngl tho i guess it says a lot about me that i've had end of life directives in place since i was pretty young and dealing with kidney failure back in the day, so i've been kind of just updating them yearly out of habit now

what i'm not happy about is my contract having ended just before christmas, so i'm gonna have to hit the job market really hard; i don't really have a choice on whether i work or not. bills still gotta get paid

ain't not rest for the wicked and money don't grow on trees, etc, etc

it miiiiight result in me moving to pittsburg if i get the job i'm aiming at, which will be difficult, especially with two cats that'll need to go with me-- from west coast to east coast basically

we'll have to see how it goes but either way i'm gonna need to get out of this small town soon; there's not much work around, remote jobs are hard to come by, and i just need out of it after 15 years of it

plus moving to pittsburg would put me bear more social supports, actual good doctors, things to do, my dad would be a train ride away (so would my brothers) and i could also finally go visit my great aunt's memorial

ain't been to indian country in a long time and it'd be good to see the family again after all these years

the community center in tahlequah has been hanging onto some things for me that would be too delicate to ship, so it'd be easier to get to oaklahoma from the east coast

i'd also finally get to pick up learning to bead; there's some other native beaders in pittsburg that have been waiting to teach me-- it's easier in-person

so we'll see how it goes; it's gonna be a struggle for a bit, but i'm determined to make it through

also tofu is being particularly aggressive about his sleeping arrangements

oops meant this one too

he's def a mama's boy, but i wish he'd quit laying on my tubes

i'm also starting to be more disciplined with myself about routines too until insurance stops fucking around with my narcolepsy medications

idk i'm expecting some really rough waters ahead, especially financially, but i'll figure it out. i always do

Pittsburgh is also much closer to me and can potentially be a better chance for us to visit

I mean 5.5 hours is still a lot but a difference from 33 hours nskdkskdmksej

this is true!!! that'd be exciting!!

I know I'm being a bit selfish by making it about me but I'm just excited

wanting to see a friend isn't selfish, this was mostly just me getting my thoughts in order

tbh most of the people i'd want to visit are on the east coast anyways

but let's not count our chickens before they hatch-- i haven't gotten any word back on job offers i've put in for or for applications i've put in yet

the end goal is to move to germany in the next five years, so i want to at least visit some folks before i move overseas

oh man this is a lot but it sounds like you have some good plans in the works

hooray for likely no head surgery!

if you pass by my way on the path to pittsburg say a hail mary ill take u for crabcakes

SicTheWolf: agreed-- it's a lot and i'm gonna figure out how to manage it but it helps having some plans

Moxana: CRABCAKES

quick update: so far hair loss has remained minimal. thinning more than i'd like and it's brittle, but i've managed to keep that to a minimum so far!

idk if any of y'all have heard of the brand sauce, but you can get it at sally's beauty supply-- the avacado oil hair mask (green packaging) has been an absolute lifesaver

does have a lot of fragrance, tho, so might not be your jam if you're sensitive to it