‪If I use my stimulus money to buy baby chickens, does this mean we got money for nothing and chicks for free? ‬

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says it's terminal.

If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you probably still are.

If you want to impress me with your car, it had better be a food truck.

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today, and nextday.

Yawn!

I need to social distance myself from the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Ever wonder how many news reporters, reporting from home, aren't wearing pants?

Quarantine tip: you never have to loosen your pants if you never wear any.

When quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.