How the fuck do you people NOT know?

I cannot for the life of me figure out why my dad has a cell phone if he never answers it.

OKAY SO I E-MAILED YOU ASHAM

Plurkin' to raise awareness about Cheeto crossings.

SNOW IS COMING

Norge, I hope the rest of your night is wonderful. :>

I choked on my own spit.

MERRY CHRISTMAS I'M SANTA

For some reason my phone no longer gets service IN MY OWN HOUSE.

I think my hands shall smell of peanut butter forevermore.