Speak now - or forever watch it on YouTube

Buy a parrot and teach it to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"

What do you call a black guy on the moon? An astronaut you racist!

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people

My other personality is a microbe

Run into store and yell, "What year is it?" & When they answer, run out saying: "It worked!"

When one has nothing to contribute, the brain moves air from the lungs towards the ego..

My health insurance is so bad, my doctor was only allowed to perform a semicolonoscopy on me.

PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING if you whisper it...