I want to be cremated when I die and then if my s!st3r Duck isn't married yet I want it in my will that my ashes be scattered into the Zambizi river within a week of my death.
this way I can ensure that Someone in my f@m!ly is going to Zimbabwe p o s t h a s t e
and hey if they're going over there anyway might as well meet the fiance 👀👀👀👀

the joke here is that Duck does not want to get married until my p@r3nts give their blessing and they're stubbornly refusing to do so until they meet the fiance in person
they've talked already over zoom
they're just being picky and stubborn and old fashioned
Duck and her fiance have been waiting on Visa shenanigans for almost five years now

p@r3nts don't wanna go to Zimbabwe bc they'd have to get vaxxed so it is entirely up to the Zimbabwean government to grant Fiance a visa from the heavenly hoard and unfortunately the Zimbabwean government mainly runs on bribes
so that's gonna happen any time soon

they just need that extra push so I'd be giving them an excuse to get over there anyway XP
my last will and testament: Duck pls just go get married to the love of your life already I'm rolling in my grave and it's been twenty minutes since I passed

*not gonna happen any time soon I mean
my p@r3nts are being selfish and controlling like usual so I'm going to troll them posthumously until they relinquish their vice-grip on Duck because I'm a good little br/th3r

Oh I also will bequeath my cell phone to Racket
Because again my p@r3nts have a vice-grip on him and will not allow him to have his own phone for heaven's sake
if I don't have a use for my phone my br/th3r gets it

just wanna throw it out there that he's fifteen and a half

I wonder how often ppl get unbelievably petty like this in wills
I suspect rather often
there's a lot less consequences to your actions when you're already dead
what are they gonna do
yell at me
disown me
I'm literally dead
I won't care