Being low on inspiration, I decided to gaze back in time to my first ever character, one named Jim Coyote. My thinking started out as a spiritual successor to Jim, but then it... evolved from there.

My character's race shall be troll, and I'm building him to be a bounty hunter.

I've decided that he has a very good relationship with his grandfather, who was a devout worshipper of the Aztec pantheon and who claimed to be the son of Huitzilopochtli.

Now, my character is not religious the way his grandfather was, but he likes to honor his grandfather's memory. So, roughly once a month, he performs a ritual that his grandfather would want him to perform.

Namely, he captures someone (it has to be someone who he has a good reason to want dead) and kinda sorta sacrifices them in as close to the traditional Aztec way as he can.

One of the other players in the party tends to play very good characters, and it seems like the one he's cooking up for this game is no exception (he'll be our shaman). So these two elements should combine well

So, do you want to hear more? If yes, do you want to hear about what this character tells people about him being a troll, or how his grandfather died?

Or maybe you want to hear the idea I had (that the GM ok'd) on how the game will start out?

Both?

I'm laughing way too hard, partly because of the character updates and partly because IDK if your GM knows what they're getting into here.

Also do tell.

I've warned my GM repeatedly, but he foolishly continues to allow me to develop this character.

So I suppose first of all, I decided that his grandfather died when he fell down a flight of stairs onto some bullets.

... Literally.

As such, my character is going to be preachy about making sure your bullets are stored safely and accounted for, particularly around staircases.

Occasionally, my character will insist that he is not a troll, but a severely deformed human, and that there are non-magical explanations for all of his apparently troll characteristics.

He's the size of a troll because he has gigantism. His horns are actually a rare form of tumor that can make structures out of keratin (this really exists, you might not want to look it up).

His tusks? His family actually has had a jaw like that with malformed canines for generations dating back to before the Great Awakening.

He has an absurd amount of muscle mass? Well, he leads an active lifestyle.

If pressed, he might admit that his allergy to wrought iron is a little harder to explain, but he's sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Mind you, I intend to play it in such a way that it's ambiguous whether he actually believes this or is just saying this to fuck with people.

And as for the start of the game, my GM agreed with my suggestion to start the game off with my character having captured the other runners for a meeting with our prospective employer.

They will be bound in the back of whatever vehicle my character buys. This cannot possibly create any conflict whatsoever.

Oh, one more thing. My character is violently prejudiced against anyone who could be considered a street samurai. Therefore, I'm trying to encourage one of the other players to make a street samurai.

Jesus. Yeah okay it's your GM's own damn fault.

Also I'm still laughing at all of this but how does falling onto bullets kill a man?

Good gravy....

The bullets were still in their casings, and one of them landed upright. Unfortunately, my character's grandfather landed on it just wrong, and it went between his ribs and nicked a critical organ.

He probably would have survived if he'd gotten timely medical assistance, but living as far off the grid as you can get does have its drawbacks.

To be fair to the GM, this is the same guy who let me buy 200,000 centipedes.

No I'm pretty sure that definitely means he should know better.

Actually, I think it's more that he knows what I'm capable of in an RPG and is prepared to let me derail the entire campaign with insanity.

If anything, it's the players who aren't prepared for me. One time, we were confronted with a classic dilemma: One NPC claims another NPC stole something from them, but the second NPC denies that.

As my evil character, I told one of the good players I had a plan to resolve this, and to keep them distracted. I then stole the item in question and told them that I was taking it for myself.

I may have also intimidated them into leaving. Either way, the player who helped me was kicking themselves afterwards.

Oh my god.

But yeah I guess if the GM wants you to derail things then more power to him, the mad bastard.

I say that but I enjoyed you derailing shit so uh.

Excerpt from my character's background (before he really started running):

"He drifted from squatting space to squatting space, using his bulk and his detailed explanations of Aztec sacrifice to scare off other squatters[...]"