another day of doing the things that don't make me happy.
Lord, you know my cry. i wanna be happy, i wanna feel valued, i wanna work hard and feel satisfied at the end of the day. Lord, please hear my prayer. i feel like I'm about to lose this battle. please save me i am begging.
i just wanna be happy again. not confused, not worried, and not wondering how it feels like to be genuinely happy. Lord, please heal me from being broken.
i can't sleep. i feel so guilty for not giving my best in my class since Monday. i can't function well. everything is eating me up alive. i just want to rest.
Well, somehow, I feel lucky not even having a single person ask me how I'm doing, because I will sure burst into tears when I hear that question. Thankful for the people who don't care about me, you all saving my tears 😅
Everything seems so tiring these days. Everything seems so physically and emotionally exhausting. I feel so alone. And I feel like I am losing my sanity.
It feels so heavy. It's been years since I stopped sharing my battles to anyone. And it hurts more when I realize how much they don't actually notice or care. My best friend and close friends invalidating my feelings haunts me. "May paka mao rana imong problema" , "If naa pakoy choice makig swap gyud ko sa imong life. ". Fck all of you.
No matter how this person makes me feel, and no matter what he does to make me feel loved and valued, as long as I don't love myself, I can't let him in.
I honestly thought I was doing fine. I am starting to feel good about what I am and what I look like. But body dysmorphia hits like a rock these days. I see a monster when I look in the mirror. It kills me inside. I wanna learn how to love myself.