I suspect that the BBC put that wanker on in Jonathan Ross' place to teach us all a lesson.

Off to west didsbury for supper with in-laws. Weather in s.manchester is sucking an awful lot of balls currently.

Drunk on prize winning cider in cheshire - the 'prize winning' aspect lending legitimacy to my inability to walk.

So farewell then / Ruth Kelly / With your 700 children, / your tiny, dead, doll's eyes / and your hair like a small town lesbian

On a train, with a hangover, listening to the Mikado at high volume. Also needing to poop.

Top tip: register a made up wedding list with debenhams, after the wedding date you automatically get 20% off everything in the shop.

Finally done. This is the last time I'm pimping my wedding photos: ping.fm/ikqPw

slowly but surely uploading all my wedding photos to ping.fm/ha5np Have you uploaded yours yet?

I'm pinting it up in Pi with my new bride if you're passing.

We've broken down on the m74. And i hold the Scots race responsible.