I really need to learn the difference between being hungry and being bored.

I love the feeling when someone cancels plans that you didn't want to attend anyways

Do you ever just wake up and go “nope” and roll over and go back to sleep.

Liverpool.. http://twitpic.com/c6zy0t

Saying "I'm fine" when you're not, "it's nothing" when it's everything, "I'm done" when you know you still wanna try.

"Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?" "Um, it's like that in every country, son."

The cheaper the phone, the harder it is to break.

Class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+6=12 Exam: John has 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.

I don't understand why people have to lie to sound important, Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fight crime with The Avengers.

I have only one goal on twitter... ....to make one person laugh so hard they fall off their toilet and shit the floor...