The sun is somewhere...

Gravestone inscription: "I told you I was sick"

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think - Milton Berle

I attract females - if you count mosquitos

Explaining the concept of the ejector seat, he was met with the unexpected bonus of quiet children on the ride home..

People admire a good loser, as long as it is someone else

Lawyers say blind people can't tell US bills apart. That's not entirely true. The $1 bills tend to smell like strippers

I hope actress Jessica Biel names her first born child Batmo

There are very, very few things it's OK to say to someone at the next urinal. "You must take vitamins" is not one of them.